


Unexpected

by VillageVoice



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Lena, CADMUS - Freeform, Ella Danvers, F/F, Feelings, Kryptonian-Human hybrid, Lillian Luthor is mean, Lionel got around, Luthor siblings, Pansexual Kara, Slow Burn, SuperCorp, Unexpected Parenthood, lena has a potty mouth, post-reveal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-02-16 05:01:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21502285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VillageVoice/pseuds/VillageVoice
Summary: Not that anyone’s life is truly predictable, but sometimes Lena feels as if the entirety of her life is unexpected. Her mother dying, meeting her father for the first time and going to live with his family, said father dying, Lex losing his mind, Andrea betraying her, taking over L-Corp and moving it across the country on the ream of working with Supergirl, CADMUS, her mother, numerous assassination attempts, almost becoming the princess to a displaced alien race and unwillingly bringing about the next generation, Sam/Reign, Lex again, Kara, Supergirl...Needless to say Lena has come to hate what is unpredictable, what is unexpected. Really at this point she should fear the expected, the predictable.So, naturally, life keeps throwing her curve balls each more unexpected than the last.This is just another thing she never saw coming.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 25
Kudos: 198





	1. Finally

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! My first dip into the SuperCorp pond. I've had pages and pages of ideas and details for this story burning a hole in my computer for months (as well as trying to get this edited and posted for the past 2 days), so figured it was time to release it and really get into it. This is unbeta'd. I don't have one in this fandom, but I am looking for one if anyone has too much time on their hands ;) Rating may change depending on where it all takes me.
> 
> Set after 5x01 though I'm stealing the Lena Andrea back story, most of 5x06 and the first SuperCorp lunch date because this is my world and I loved that entire story there. Basically I’m just taking Lena’s reaction out of this current season and rewriting it my way with one teeny tiny twist (read: not tiny at all). So now Lena knows Kara is Supergirl and is still incredibly hurt about being lied to for years, but no mind control business. She's hurt and confused, and deep down she loves Kara and knows that Kara didn't do this to hurt her, but she is so so tired of people hurting her. She thought Kara was different.
> 
> Also, SANVERS! They’re married and more in love than ever before. They worked their issues out.
> 
> POV's will shift around. I really want to show both perspectives.
> 
> There's so much info about Krypton and the culture out there from comics and show and whatnot. I'll be pulling bits and pieces from here and there to fit my purpose :)

Lena stood on the balcony of her apartment looking out over the city. 

_Her_ city. 

A place that _finally_ felt like home after years of living in National City. She won't lie to herself and say that fact wasn't mostly because her best friend had broken through the many layers of armor Lena had carefully and painstakingly built up around herself since she was four years old and the entire trajectory of her life changed. _Finally_ Kara got her to believe that she could trust those closest to her, that not everyone would betray her and break her heart, that she was worthy of being loved, that she could be this force of good she so desperately wanted despite her family constantly crawling out of the cracks in the walls to drag her down.

Her eyes were instantly drawn in the direction of her best friend's apartment building. One of the perks of this penthouse apartment was how close it was to Kara's apartment. . . Okay so Kara's apartment was clear across town, but it’s the closest to Lena's of all their friends and there was practically nothing blocking the sight line. With her upbringing being what it had been Lena was used to a certain lifestyle that Kara's so-called _rent controlled side of town_ didn't quite offer. (God, that made her sound like a Luthor.) But as the multi-billionaire CEO that she was, and, yes, a _Luthor_ , she had to keep up appearances. Thus this penthouse in this apartment building in this neighborhood.

(She didn't hate it though.

It was actually quite nice, if a little sterile. Void of personal touches. She's pretty sure the interior designer she hired designed spaces for magazines. That and the guy loved white. Not that Lena spent enough time at home to care that much or want to change anything. It served its purpose.)

That's not to say there was anything wrong with where Kara, or any of the others, live. In fact Kara's apartment was easily one of Lena's favorite places in the entire city – maybe even the world. There she never felt anything less than safe and warm, and a sense of home she can only vaguely remember before the perky blonde seemed to make it her life mission to drag the reclusive Luthor out of her shell.

But it had all been a lie, hadn't it? She never really knew Kara at all.

_“Kara Danvers is Supergirl.”_

There was nothing Lena hated more than being made to look like a fool than to be made to look like a fool by _Lex_. To prove every hypothesis he or Lillian ever had about her correct. That she would never be as smart as Lex (ignoring, of course, that her IQ was impressively higher than his because _“The test was wrong, Lena”_ despite the seven IQ tests she took by seven different institutions, Mensa being one, across the country Lillian insisted every one was wrong because _“People are too intimidated by Lex to admit how intelligent he truly is. But never mind. It will look good on your boarding school application at any rate I suppose.”_ ) or as clever or charismatic. Could never hope to be as analytical or as strategic (despite Lex not winning a single game of chess against her since she was pre-pubescent, hell even pre _-school),_ would never be as innovative, could never possibly anticipate anywhere near the scale that he could, could never play the long game with quite the same level of finesse, could never have people eating out of the palm of her hand the way Saint Lex could or get them to believe whatever psychobabble bullshit that came out of her mouth (which, okay, she would concede that one because, unlike dear Lex, she wasn't a criminally insane mass murderer) and could never possibly match his genius in his creations.

No. Lena would never amount to all that Lex could have become, she would admit.

She would be more.

Unfortunately for all her intelligence, achievements, degrees, awards and billions made from being the youngest _ever_ CEO of a corporation of L-Corp's caliber internationally, Lena really couldn't figure out what was right in front of her? That her _best friend_ flew around in a glorified cheer leader costume in her spare time? That Kara Danvers and Supergirl have the same piercing blue eyes, same exact hair color and beach-blown waves, same arms and hands she has seen cradle a scared, injured animal, tear buildings apart to rescue people after knocking out whatever alien had been hell bent on destroying National City that day or hold her until the swirling thoughts in her head stopped threatening to suffocate her? 

That Kara Danvers and Supergirl have the same crinkle between their eyebrows when deep in thought or confused or worried? That Supergirl always showed up exactly when Lena needed her and five seconds sooner if Lena had been on the phone with Kara when shit hit the fan? That cancelled brunch, lunch, dinners and whatnots coincided with Supergirl’s face on the news or a blur of blue and red out the window? That Kara Danvers, her _best friend Kara,_ and Supergirl have the same freaking voice and smell the same and hold her the same, cause the same spike in her heart rate and shot of pure liquid heat straight to her core when they smile at her (oh, yeah, they have the same smile too go figure)? That Lena Luthor doesn't open up to anyone, but for some reason beyond her genius level of understanding found herself trusting both Kara and Supergirl (or, well, she _had_ trusted Supergirl before everything went down with Reign and kryptonite, and spiraled from there and fuck that was Kara, wasn't it?)?

Was she truly such a mess that her higher functioning and reasoning processes cease working properly with a pair of impossibly blue eyes and a nice smile? Or was she just so desperately lonely? So desperate for a friend, for someone she could trust, that she overlooked everything else?  
  
How could she not have seen it?

Honestly that was probably what was bothering Lena the most of this whole thing. 

Not that she told Kara everything about herself. Not that she believed Kara had done the same in return. Not that Kara was just another in a long line of people who had betrayed her. Not that Lena had let Kara in in a way she'd never let anyone in before (and sure as shit would never do again). Not that she was only freaking human and a useless bisexual who was powerless in her feelings for her stunningly gorgeous blonde best friend. 

The reminder of her feelings made bile crawl up the back of Lena's throat. Of course once Lena had _finally_ stopped denying that she was hopelessly in love with her best friend and had just been waiting for the aftermath of things with Lex and all of that absolute insanity to die down so she could have a moment of peace (was one _singular_ moment in her life really too much to ask for?) to figure out if Kara felt the same way about her everything would come crashing down. 

Lena was excellent at reading people (except for Kara and _all_ of her friends, apparently) and was 85% sure Kara had feelings for her (honestly would that woman ever make eye contact or was she always staring at Lena's chest?). But she was a finely crafted business woman. A smart, successful business woman and as such she knew what things she could gamble with at that percentage and what she couldn't. _The most important_ relationship she had in her life was not one of those things. Not for an 85%. No, for that the probability had to be at least 97%, so before she jumped off the proverbial cliff and told Kara how she felt she needed to slip into the role she was most comfortable playing in her life – scientist. She had been prepared to slip on her metaphorical lab coat and conduct a series of experiments (largely set around low-cut shirts, tight skirts, power suits, lingering touches and blatant flirting that even Kara and her obliviousness would catch on to) to try to gather more concrete proof of the blonde's probability of returning her feelings. 

_Of course_ something would happen to rock the very foundation of Lena's being like this. 

Of course.  
Typical.   
She should have expected it, really.

Because that's on brand, right? That's her life. As soon as she felt comfortable, confident and excited about something of _course_ everything she knew and believed would come crashing down around her leaving her alone, confused and absolutely devastatingly heartbroken. It happened when her mother died and left her alone with quite possibly one of the worst families on the planet (mass murder, experimenting on living beings, creating weapons of unimaginable destruction, spearheading a large anti-alien terror group...her confidence on their inclusion on the worst of the worst list was 100%). It happened when her father died and left her without a parental figure who actually gave a damn. It happened when Lex started a steep downward spiral on his quest to destroy Superman and tried to drag her down with him, and when she refused all but wrote her off. It happened when Andrea stole the medallion Lena had been searching for since her mother read her stories about it and lied to her face.

And then it happened with Kara. Good, sweet, noble, goofy, _trustworthy_ , Kara. 

(She would give anything to have had this happened with absolutely anyone except Kara. Fuck the butterfly effect, she would do it without a second thought.)

Honestly Lena hadn't stood a chance against developing feelings for the blonde. Aside from looking like an actual goddess, Kara was sweet, kind, compassionate, optimistic, empathetic and such a breath of fresh air. Lena had never met anyone like her. She didn't let Lena's last name scare her away. She didn't let Lena push her away like most people did. She was there for Lena every single time she needed her. She challenged Lena, made her think in different ways, helped Lena to see what she was really working toward. She was everything Lena never let herself want. Everything she didn't let herself need.....

...well...she thought Kara had been at least. Clearly she wasn't as good at reading people as she thought, so what the hell did she know?

Lena could put up with a _lot_ of shit, but not this.

Not from Kara.

It left Lena wondering if the fact that she was in love with Kara made her betrayal hurt more than if they were just best friends. She'd been so in love with the other woman for so long it was hard to think back to a time when they were just friends with totally 100% platonic feelings. Had there ever been a time like that? 

Probably not. 

Lena wasn't the most skilled in relationships, romantic or otherwise, but she thought that it must. Because the way that she loved Kara was so intense, so all encompassing, that it was as much a part of her as her right arm so Lena couldn't separate her love for Kara from her _love_ for Kara. It wouldn't hurt as much if she wasn't in love with her, right? It wouldn't break her like this? It would hurt, of course, but surely she wouldn't feel that the very essence of who she was had been fractured by this betrayal? Right? That who she was had been permanently and irreparably changed?

Of course now Lena couldn't help but obsess over _everything_. This multi-million dollar view off of her balcony no longer filled her with a sense of warmth and pride over this city, _her_ city, and what she (and her supposed friends) had done to better it. The butterflies she felt when she looked in the direction of Kara's neighborhood, when she thought of Kara or saw a text pop-up from the blonde (before she promptly threw her phone over the balcony - which will have to be replaced in the morning, but for the moment was quite satisfying) had been firmly extinguished. 

For as much as Lena paid for this apartment, that she did admittedly love, she would pay triple to be the hell out of National City. She could't help but go over every interaction with the Super-in-hiding from the first time she stepped foot into Lena's new office after she moved from Metropolis and re-branded L-Corp. Every look, every word, every call, text and email, every hug, every time Kara touched her or looked at her, every time Supergirl saved her life, every time her traitorous heart skipped a beat at the mere scent of Kara’s perfume in the air. (Beats Supergirl's super hearing no doubt heard.)

But even while being Supergirl Kara cared for her, right? Sure they had a falling out and Lena no longer trusted the Super, but Supergirl was still and had always been there for Lena. How many times had she saved her life? That had to count for something. Should it? Lena shrugged. Supergirl saved everyone. She wasn't anything special.

Had Kara ever really been her friend? Had any of it been real? Or was it to keep tabs on her? To keep the youngest Luthor in check? How many times had she bounced ideas off of Kara? And, building off of that, how much of that did Kara understand that she pretended not to? Kryptonians are a much further advanced race than humans. There was a time once when Supergirl mentioned something about taking calculus before most human children even started school, so Kara's IQ must be miles above Lena's own and the brunette is known to ramble or talk out loud about projects (top secret projects) when Kara was around because the blonde has led her to believe she didn't have a single freaking clue what Lena is talking about, but she did didn't she? 

Did she think Lena was an idiot like her brother and Lillian? Could she have helped solve problems in minutes that had kept Lena up night after night and ate away at the lining of her stomach for weeks or months? Did she go and report what Lena was working on and-oh _shit_. Alex works for the DEO. And J'onn and Brainy and goddamn everyone! So they all know. They've all been constantly and consistently lying to her. And _fuck,_ how many of them are aliens too? 

If Kara had told her earlier things would've been different. Lena wouldn't expect Supergirl to go around telling everyone her secret, but this was _her._ And _Kara_. They'd been friends for _years!_ They were supposed to be best friends. Lena was a strong, confident woman who knew her worth and what she deserved and she deserved better.

It was finally too much (not the alien part. Lena truly was the black sheep of the Luthor family on not giving a shit if someone was an alien. What did it matter, honestly?) and Lena keeled over and expelled what felt like every single thing she had ever ingested until her chest and sides and entire torso cried out and then she really lost it. In spectacular fashion befitting a Luthor. Tears ran down her face (because really how could one more person do this to her? When would she learn to stop letting people in?) as she tore paintings from walls, threw pillows, books, blankets and lamps across the room, threw gifts from her so-called _best friend_ directly into the fire burning in the fireplace until it was too full to hold anything else without being smothered to extinction. She gathered pictures of them and smashed them down on the hard stone of the balcony (she may be absolutely losing her cool, but that didn't mean she wanted broken glass embedded in her rugs). The fact that she left them out there on the balcony smashed to pieces because she couldn't bring herself to throw them away only further fuels her hurt induced rage spiral.

At some point she downed an entire bottle of Balvenie 50 Year Single Malt Scotch she had bought for around $42,000. Lena tried not to throw thousands of dollars around like pennies, but she hadn't been able to resist. Only twelve bottles were ever made so she bought it and had been planning to save it for an extremely special occasion (like, say, when she finally cured cancer or fixed the world like she’d always dreamed, when she did enough good to the Luthor name to no longer be considered a pariah), and while that went out the window she had to agree with her past self that this was definitely money well spent. Smooth. As. Fuck.

And Lena knew she was in shock (the last thing in the world she expected Kara to tell her was that she was Supergirl) and that she would calm down and look at this rationally. She wasn't the only one who has lost a lot. Supergirl - _Kara_ \- had lost _everything;_ her home, her friends, her family, her culture, her language, her _entire planet_ , everything she knew and believed in. She couldn't fault the Kryptonian for not wanting to lose her best friend as well. 

Kara was the best thing she had in her life. The one place she could go where everything was okay. If Kara was her safe place it isn't outside of the realm of possibility to think that _maybe_ she was the same for the blonde. Kara was usually all sunshine and rainbows, but when they were alone Kara dropped that mask. She let herself just _be_ around Lena. Yes she was still lying to her and she has a sister and close friends, but maybe Kara needed her as much as she needed the blonde. Maybe the thought of losing Lena paralyzed Kara the way Lena feels paralyzed right now.

 ****_“I'm Supergirl,”_ Kara began, looking almost as if she surprised herself with her words. It took her a few deep breaths to remove her glasses and continue. _“I've always been Supergirl. I should've told you so long ago I know that, but I just keep making excuses because you've been hurt so many times and … I convinced myself I was protecting you...and then one day you were so angry with me – with_ Supergirl _– but you still loved Kara...and I just kept thinking, if I could be Kara,_ just _Kara, that I could keep you as a friend. I was selfish. And scared. And I didn't want to lose you. So I kept pretending. And I never stopped....And Every time I kept my secret from you I wasn't...protecting you I was_ hurting _you just like everyone else and I am so, so sorry...I am so sorry...”_

Yet another shot to Lena's supposed intelligence that after Lex told her she truly never thought Kara would reveal the truth. It has been years, why would she confess now? None of the virtual reality simulations she ran predicted this. It rattled Lena. She didn't like the unexpected. Always tried to account for all the players and their parts so nothing could catch her off balance like life is one big game of chess (and isn't it really, though?). _"I'm Supergirl"_ Was certainly unexpected.

Maybe, with Kara _finally_ telling her who she was, not _everything was_ a lie? Lena would be a worse liar than Kara if she said the confession and apology hadn't really pulled at her heartstrings. It was probably the first truly heartfelt apology she'd ever received. Certainly the only one that sounded believable. Her mother never apologized, her father never apologized, Lex sure as shit never did and Andrea only did when Lena forced her hand and backed her into a corner, but Kara...Kara didn't know that Lena already knew. Kara made the _choice_ to tell her. Nowhere in her apology did she try to justify what she had done. Well, not exactly. She _explained_ her reasoning while admitting it was wrong rather than trying to placate Lena.

And it had been an amazing confession slash apology. A speech truly befitting a Pulitzer Prize winning reporter. A speech Lena wanted more than anything in the world to believe, but how the hell was she supposed to know what to believe?

_“The world is full of liars. People who hide things from us. People who manipulate and control us. I should know. Some of the best liars in the world are members of my own family. But in my life there was someone who always reminded me that truth was the better way [...] The truth isn't easy and certainly not for the faint of heart, but it is something that Kara, as a journalist, has pursued relentlessly everyday. Because she's so good at it she makes it look easy. We sometimes forget that she's just like us. That forging a path to the truth isn't a piece of cake. It's more like climbing a mountain. It's arduous and painful at times, and just like us...Kara can sometimes slip. But she always gets back up and pulls through in the end. And we're always better for her efforts. So thank-you Kara for reminding us that the truth is important, even when it's not always easy to accept. . .”_   
  
_“You will always be my best friend.”_

At the time she meant it. Every word. Even now she wants it desperately, but her heart is shattered. 

It does make Lena feel a tiny bit better that nothing had happened romantically between them without her knowing this (though an even bigger part of her wishes that something _had_ because at least she would've had _something_ with Kara). It seemed as though she and Kara had been dancing around one another since they met. That when she would push a little Kara would back off and when Kara would push for more. (at least that's what Lena _thought_ had been going on) she would back off. They never truly seem to be in the same place or on the same page and now, knowing what she did, Lena could see why there had always been this unspoken line they didn't cross. Why they were never pushing at the same time or never gave in to the other. At least not past long held gazes, lingering touches, flimsy excuses to visit, overrun lunch and dinner _dates,_ sitting as close together as possible when there were plenty of other seats available, totally not at all platonic cuddling during movie nights or, you know, a random Tuesday just because. 

It made sense now. On some level Lena knew Kara was holding something back and the blonde at least respected Lena enough not to try for anything or let anything happen (if Lena was reading things right, which this reveal made her seriously question) without Lena knowing who she was. 

If Lena had found out literally any way other than the way she had she would forgive Kara. Not immediately. It would still have sucked and she still probably would've lost her shit, but this is _Kara._ She would've raged, but understood (on some level she does now, but the hurt is too all consuming for her to even be aware of the existence of her understanding).

But no. It wasn't any other way. Lena found out from _Lex._ He saw the shock and the pain in her eyes. Probably even heard her heart shatter into a million little pieces. Yes, Kara told her. Something Lena truly believed she never would, but it was too late. Lex told her first and he spun a sticky web the psycho knew would catch her. He was probably the biggest liar of them all, but he’d always had a way of getting inside Lena’s head. He was her big brother, her biggest ally growing up, her hero. She spent her childhood looking up to him and wanting to be just like him. All she wanted was for Lex to notice her, be proud of her. She knew exactly what he had been trying to do, that this was just another way to manipulate her, but dammit it worked. Just like he knew it would.

If she thought she'd cried before that had nothing on how she was crying now. Now, looking around at her apartment (that would cost her another couple pretty pennies to have cleaned up) and the evidence of how she has been mocked, humiliated and betrayed by everyone she cared about, everyone she considered _family,_ everyone she thought she could trust after a lifetime of being taught that she couldn't trust anyone.

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

Everything Lena thought to be true was a lie and it felt like the world had been brutally ripped out from under the soles of her feet. She had no idea which way was up or who she was or what was real. Totally exhausting herself she fell asleep on the rug on the living room floor wearing a hoodie she had stolen from Kara clutching a ripped picture of the two of them smiling stupidly at some stupid carnival that had come to town that Kara dragged her to (It was the day Lena finally admitted that she was in love with her best friend. Or, rather, the day she stopped denying it to herself.) where she is clutching a large stuffed white dog wearing a red cape with the goddamn Supergirl crest that Kara had won her at said stupid carnival with them both looking at the camera with stupid bright smiles on their faces and hearts in their eyes, in one hand and the empty bottle of scotch in her other feeling like she had lost everything.

Tomorrow Jess will hire people to clean up the mess she made and draft the miles long in-depth iron-clad NDAs for them to sign to ensure their discretion and she will shove everything into the biggest box she can imagine with the biggest lock and shove it so deep within herself that it won't be possible for her to ever feel a thing about this again, but tonight...tonight Lena let herself be human.   
  
She let herself hurt for the secrets that had forever changed everything. The secret Kara revealed and the secret of her own that reveal ensured would never see the light of day. Lena's own secret (which probably isn't completely a secret to Kara if she's as smart as Lena thinks she is) isn't anywhere near the level of sweet, shy, dorky Kara Danvers being the girl of steel, but being stupidly in love with your best friend carries a weight all of its own. 

There was no way Lena could tell Kara now.  
  


* * *

**Across the City**

Kara touched down and stepped out of the alley dressed as Kara Danvers (totally normal human journalist), in serious need of some comfort food from her favorite Chinese place next door. Of course she saw the state Lena had been in and of the damage she did to her apartment. There was no way she could hear the spike in Lena's normally steady and calm heartbeat accompanied with that kind of noise and not check on her best friend. 

_Former_ best friend? 

She hadn't thought it possible for her heart to break any further, but the universe just has to go and prove her wrong. Even the tiniest already broken pieces further shattered.

And it's all her fault.  
All of it.  
100%

Lena was in horrible pain because she had been a coward. She should've told her years ago, she _knew_ this. None of this has been fair to Lena. Good, kind, trusting, hurting, Lena. Kara just proved that she was the same as everyone else in Lena's life. That she too had only brought her pain. Years ago she all but forced Lena to be friends with her only to hurt her like this. 

What was _wrong_ with her? 

There was no way anything more than friendship would ever happen between them after this. If their friendship even survived, which Kara honestly couldn't think about right now. Pulling herself back into the alley out of sight the Super allowed a few sobs to escape her lips. She is one of the strongest beings on the planet, but even she could only hold so much pain inside.

This had to be _the stupidest_ thing she had ever done. If Lena never spoke to her again she would understand. Kara wasn’t stupid (she may be the smartest being on this planet, even.) she knew Lena hadn’t been _fine,_ hadn't been _okay_ , hadn't even been anywhere remotely close to _alright._ No one else would have noticed anything was wrong, but Kara knew Lena. She could read the heartbreak on her face clear as day when she told her she was Supergirl and then later when Lena introduced her at the ceremony. Lena was always prepared. Keeping up appearances was something she was taught before she was taught how to read. There was a speech she had probably written days before and an outfit picked by a stylist (or at the very least, her assistant), but underneath all of that Kara knew. Lena was shattered. _She_ had broken her best friend's heart.

Kara had done everything she could to tune out Lena's heartbeat then because she knew that actually hearing it break would be her tipping point.

She knew Lena was devastated and had probably gone home and rethought their every interaction since they'd met, and she really hadn't meant (or wanted) to overstep or invade Lena's privacy, but listening for Lena's heartbeat was like breathing now. It wasn't something she did consciously, it just happened. Especially when she was sad and alone and hurt. So when she'd heart her heart racing across town and the noise she just wanted to make sure Lena was okay.

Okay was about the farthest thing from what Lena was.

Watching that entire episode had been heart wrenching, but she deserved it. Lena needed it to get it out of her system to begin to process. Kara knew it was an invasion of privacy to stay and watch, that Lena would be absolutely mortified and enraged to know Kara had witnessed the private event, but the brunette was absolutely trashed and there was a lot of throwing and breaking of things going on and humans are just _so fragile_. Her entire apartment was soundproofed. No one would hear the noise and check on Lena, she'd just wanted to make sure Lena didn't get hurt or succumb to alcohol poisoning.

This was the last thing Kara ever wanted. It's just that she let it go too long. At first Alex wouldn't let her tell Lena that she was Supergirl. Something about Kara being too trusting and Lena being a Luthor, but Kara made her own choices. She could've told Lena anyway. Then they got close fast. Then Kara started to fall for her raven haired best friend. Then life happened and the next thing Kara knew it was three years later and she still hadn't told Lena her secret. At that point she knew she had messed up and that too much time had passed. No matter what happened at that point their relationship would suffer.

So Kara let herself be selfish. She let herself have this one good thing because life was unpredictable. How many times had she almost died? Actually died? Walked into something she fully accepted she may never walk out of? When dealing with life and death a little secret hardly seems worth losing sleep over, but she had. Night after night after night, because she knew this was horrible and every day that passed she was hurting this wonderful woman ever more. This woman who meant the _absolute_ world to her. 

With Lena she could just be. She didn’t have to be strong or put together. There were never any expectations or pressures and Kara needed that. The thought of the other woman walking out of her life hurt worse than any kryptonite she had ever come across and Kara couldn't deal with that. Was it really so bad to want to keep one thing for herself? Just one thing. She'd lost so much. So many people, an entire _world!_ This seemed so small in comparison, but Lena was just . . .

. . . she's everything.

What sucks the most is that she understands what Lena is feeling. She doesn’t blame her for any of it. If she were Lena she wouldn't want anything to do with herself either. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and that she hadn't already spent _hours_ praying to Rao that Lena would forgive her and still want to be her friend. 

There was a blankness in her mind when she tried to imagine her life going forward without Lena. It wasn't that her future looked like something was missing. It’s just not there. Blank. Her mind was incapable, or unwilling, of imagining her life without the youngest Luthor. 

Whenever she was frustrated with an article, angry and exhausted from her Supergirl duties, heartbroken at seeing the very worst of humanity and what humans do not only to one another, but to those different from them, whenever she solar flared and was as human as was biologically possible, whenever something finally went right, whenever she was proud of something she did whether an article or helping someone as Kara Danvers, whenever Supergirl saved the day, whenever she was feeling anything at all she always went to Lena. For a smile, a hug, a chat, for nothing at all other than sitting quietly and breathing in the same space. It was _always_ Lena.

How could she imagine her life without that in it? Without Lena in it?

Something as simple as seeing a silly emoji from the brunette (which is Lena's way of checking in when she’s too busy for actual words) filled Kara with more joy than she knew what to do with simply knowing that Lena was thinking about her. _Lena._ This gorgeous, brilliant, kind and _good_ woman who could have absolutely anyone she wanted in her life chose Kara. A smile from her usually ruby painted lips could keep Kara going all day. Sometimes the only thing that kept her standing at the end of the day was running to Lena's office, into her arms and feeling the stressors of her day literally melt off her with the pressure, security and home-ness she always felt in Lena's arms.

Sometimes Kara was so sure that Lena had more than friendly feelings for her, but others left her more than a little confused. (Like James...seriously, what the hell was going on there? He had _always_ been against Lena. Every time anything bad happened in the city he would look for ways to make it Lena’s fault. How many hours had she spent defending Lena to him? But sure, go ahead, get the girl. Not that _she_ was one to judge for less than healthy relationships, but that was some _shit_.)

Every time she stepped into Lena's line of sight she could hear a quick intake of breath, her heart beat just a little bit faster, and a quick clearing of her throat or quiver in her voice. She heard every minute little tell Lena probably didn’t even realize she had. Every time her ears pick up on something her heart soar because Lena can school her features all she wants (and she is _damn_ good at that), but she can’t slow the beating of her heart or hide these little tells and it makes Kara’s heart nearly beat out of her chest because maybe, just _maybe_ , Lena had feelings for her too. 

She saw the lingering glances when Lena thought her attentions are elsewhere. Kara knew they sat too close, that friends – even _best friends –_ didn't cuddle like they did. That strictly platonic friends didn't constantly reach out for the other as soon as they're within reach like they did. Heart eyes? She's pretty sure they invented them.

But then other times...when she was feeling brave or bold, when she flirted and tried to gauge Lena's feelings she was met with nothing. To be fair sometimes when she thought Lena was flirting she pulled back as well. Through no fault of Lena's. That was all on her. It just made her feel so guilty because she would never dream of breaching the line between _friend_ and _more_ without Lena knowing the truth.

If Lena returned her feelings Kara didn’t know how deep those feelings went, but as for her own . . . she is hopelessly in love with her best friend. Painfully. Secretly. Devastatingly. Wholly.

Her best friend she probably lost and it was all her fault. 

When Lena had finally passed out she'd gently carried her to bed (Lena was too far gone to remember a good 75% of the night anyway), letting her hand linger as she brushed some fallen raven hair from an alcohol and adrenaline flushed and tear streaked cheek. It might have been the last time Lena let Kara near her so she indulged and watched the slow and steady rise of her chest for a few moments longer. There was so much she wanted to say and knowing she may have lost her chance killed her. They'd been flirting around each other for years and now it was ruined. 

By her own doing.

Maybe one day she would earn Lena's forgiveness, get their friendship back on track and tell Lena how ridiculously in love with her she was. Hell she would do _anything_ for it, but not now. Not anytime soon. For now all she could do was wait and hope.

“Ella! Ella!”

Wiping her eyes on her sleeve and straightening her glasses, Kara stepped out from the alley and turned down the street to see a dark haired woman about half-way down running as if her life depended on it. Turning her head in the other direction there is a blur of color and dark hair running at full speed heading for the street. The, despite the late hour, very busy street.

“Ella!”

With a tiny burst of super speed (an amount that would just make her look fast, but not abnormally fast as to draw anyone's suspicion) Kara runs to the girl, scoops her up and moves her a good ways away from the busy street she had been heading toward. She put the girl down under a street lamp, moving her glasses down for a quick scan to make sure she wasn't hurt. “Hey sweetie are you okay?”

“Ella!”

The little girl, Ella apparently, turned and looked at Kara with a smirk on her lips and mischief in her eyes, but that wasn't what caught Kara’s attention. Even in the dark Kara could see it. “Heterochromia iridum,” she said lowly to herself as she looked into one sky blue eye and one seafoam green. Or maybe it was closer to seaglass? Or even one of the colors of the balloons she picked through for a party once that had immediately caught her eye. What was the color called? Pearl mint green, maybe? A lighter and slightly bluer shade than regular mint green.

Regardless, she knew those eyes. Not together and not belonging to this little girl, but Kara can see those eyes somewhere in the periphery of her memory (If it was any other day she would place them immediately. It would have clicked the second their eyes met, but tonight her entire body felt like an open wound and it was taking all she had in her to stay upright long enough to make sure this girl and her mother were safe and get her Chinese food from the restaurant so that she could go home and pretend she didn’t exist for the night - She'd already made a call to J'onn and cashed in a _please be Supergirl for the night_ no questions asked kind of favor.). 

Along with her two different colored eyes the girl had thick short wavy hair of a color that was hard to tell exactly, especially in this lighting. It was dark, but warm like milk chocolate with a mess of what Kara assumes are natural caramel and honey colored highlights. It was pulled back from her face with a large purple bow sitting eschew on the right side of her head. Under the bright yellow light of the street lamp Kara could faintly see a spattering of freckles over the bridge of her nose and the apples of her cheeks. And dimples! Two little indents that immediately drew Kara's eyes.

Kara nannied part time one summer summer back in Midvale, but she was no expert on kids. Those kids were older, _tweens_ she thinks they’d be called, just not quite old enough to be left alone so she pretty much just had to feed them and keep them alive for a couple of hours. All she can tell is that this little girl is young. Still a toddler, young. If she had to guess she would wager Ella to be around two years old? Honestly she could be seven and Kara wouldn't know.

That’s an exaggeration, but still. Kids weren't her forte.

(She was supposed to be good with kids. Probably would be if her pod hadn't gotten knocked off course and she had landed on Earth on time to do what she was sent here to do - take care of her baby cousin.)

“Ella! Thank God!”

The dark haired woman dropped down in front of them and pulled the little girl into her arms. “What were you thinking? You know better than to run off like that!” She turned to Kara and paused a moment with something flickering behind her eyes too quickly for Kara to identify before she seemed to shake herself out of it. Kara didn’t think much of it. If there’s one thing she's used to seeing it was people’s wildly unexpected reactions when scared for their loved ones. “Thank you so much! I don't know what happened. One second she was there, the next she was down the street.”

“Oh It's no problem-”

“Mommy there was a birdie!”

Kara tried not to smile at that, she really did. There was nothing funny about this. This little girl had run away from her mother toward a very busy street and could've been seriously hurt. It’s late (on that note, what are a mother and young child doing out this late at night? Not that Kara was judging, and not that she knows much about kids, but she's pretty sure Ella should be in bed?). It would have been hard for cars to see her and stop in time with how she had been poised to bolt across the street before Kara plucked her off the curb. But how many times had she ran off from her own parents when she was little because something had caught her eye? And birds were fascinating; she honestly couldn't blame the child, but still...not safe. If she was Supergirl this would be where she gave the small girl a little talking to about being safe and staying with a grown-up, but she’s Kara now and it wasn’t her place.

“I don't care what there was you do _not_ run towards traffic, Ella. And you _do not_ let go of my hand and you _do not_ cross streets by yourself! It's dark, Ella, the cars can't see you. Do you want to get hurt?”

Properly chastised, Ella looked down at her bright yellow shoes before throwing her arms around her mother's neck. “M'sorry.”

“Is she okay?” Kara asked. “Are you okay?”

The woman looked up at Kara and offered a small, relieved, frustrated smile. “Yes, thank-you. Kids, you know? I just picked her up from school and we’re stopping for dinner and she just...bolted.”

“Pizza Mommy! Pizza!”

Kara smiled softly to herself. That certainly would get her off running too.

“Seriously, thank-you.”

“Not a problem, really. I'm glad I was here to help.” She looked down to see little mismatched watery eyes looking back at her and couldn't help but brush a knuckle under the girls chin. “Stay safe, okay? No more running into streets.”

Ella smiled, nodding. 

Keeping a tight hold of her daughter's hand, the woman stood and offered a hand to Kara. “I'm Lauren, by the way. Lauren Thorul. And this is Ella.”

Kara forced a smile, taking the woman's hand. There was something familiar about her as well. It’s in the shape of her nose and chin and the look in her dark eyes, but Kara couldn’t place it. Frankly she didn’t care to either. Not today. All she wanted was to go home. “Kara Danvers.”

“Well Kara Danvers, _you_ are our hero.”


	2. Coincidences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara hasn't seen Lena in weeks, but sees a couple of familiar faces and comes to a startling realization.  
> (AKA Kara is sad, Lena is sad, Lillian is in the wind and something finally clicks)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see people are a little confused here. It's supposed to be confusing. You're not really supposed to know what's going on yet. You will see it all unfolding kind of as the characters do. There's a lot of explaining going on too. Laying the groundwork for how things are going to be as the story moves on.  
> (So because this essentially takes place after 5x01 William is just a dick (he won't be in the story, just may be mentioned). He's not doing it to find out what Andrea is up to and Andrea isn't some Leviathan lackey. He's just a straight up asshat. So is Andrea for that matter.)
> 
> All mistakes are my own. This is unbeta'd  
> TW: mention of miscarriage, stillbirth and maternal death. It's pretty brief and nothing graphic. It's just mentioned.

Kara doesn't hear from Lena for three days after that. 

Fair.  
Totally, absolutely fair. 

When Lena finally reached out (after not replying to any of the dozen or so texts Kara sent or returning any of her small handful of phone calls – she was trying not to be _too_ pushy - but she and Lena were always talking whether on the phone or through text or in person, so having absolutely zero contact twists her gut something awful and only exacerbates that sinking feeling in her stomach) she says that she is going away on an unexpected business trip. That she never intended to ignore Kara (Kara is _not_ that stupid), but that something came up and she's been locked in her office the past few days dealing with it before deciding to go to the source as all other options to find a solution have been exhausted. Of course she also said she will be unreachable _until the problem is resolved._ Maybe a few days, maybe a few weeks, who knows.

That was expected.  
And, still, completely fair.  
Kara could read the subtext. Lena needed space.

She kept herself busy with work. Andrea seems to have it out for her though for the life of her Kara couldn't figure out why, William was shady and poaching her articles left and right every time she took five minutes to save the city, and then she had articles to research and write, interviews to conduct and everything that went along with being a newly awarded Pulitzer Prize winning journalist for a company that was sold to a click bait slave (which is a term Kara does _not_ use lightly). Then she had her Supergirl duties that never fail to take up whenever time she had left in the day. Alex had already yelled at her for working herself nearly to the point of solar flaring, but it was better than being left alone with her thoughts.

So, yeah, all in all she really was too busy to think about the woman who holds her heart running as far and as fast from her as she could. Just another day in the life of a superhero. 

It was just . . . Lena _saw_ her. She saw _Kara_. Not Supergirl, not Kara Zor-El, just Kara. She never treated Kara like everyone else who knew her secret did. Once someone learns she was Kryptonian, that she was Supergirl, they seemed to expect... _more_ from her. Whether they then expect her to be stronger emotionally or mentally, or if they expect her to not have the same problems a regular, average, _normal person_ did it was a lot of added pressure she didn't really appreciate. Even if the person didn't know they were putting it on her on a conscious level, they were. 

But Lena never did. Every time Kara spoke to Lena or saw her, or just received a text from the other woman, it was a break from all the pressure. Like a natural reset button and she would walk away feeling lighter and more prepared for whatever else the day threw at her. She was aware that the only reason Lena treated her like that was because she didn't know, she was never _told_ , but nevertheless it was something Kara had always needed.

To be without that really sucked. On top of, of course, missing the hell out of the other woman. It was like going throughout her day missing half of herself. Like an addict detoxing. It felt unnatural and painful and hollow. She had been in love with Lena for so long that she could't remember any other way to be. Since they became friends Lena has always been right by Kara's side. 

It has been so long that she can't remember exactly when she fell in love or when she realized she was in love with her best friend, but she remembers when she _caught the feels_ as the kids say. It was their first lunch date. Impromptu as it was, it was the start of everything. Kara knew the youngest Luthor was guarded, and for good reason, but when Lena invited her to join her for lunch that day that was her taking a chance on Kara. She had calculated the risks and determined Kara to be worth opening up to. 

She probably regretted it now, but to this day that invitation still meant more to the blonde than Lena would probably ever know. Things were easy between them. They could talk about anything or nothing for hours. They clicked in a way Kara hadn't thought would be possible for her.

If Krypton hadn't been destroyed Kara would've had a match made for her for a marriage partner. As she was only thirteen when she left Krypton she was still a bit young to know the specifics of how all of that worked, but she had a faint idea. It was mostly based on genetics, that much she did know. And politics, of course. People were considered a good match if they were of the same status and from houses of equal standing, but the Codex matched people with a higher emphasis on how to produce the best offspring; a better and stronger generation of Kryptonians. 

The Codex contained the genetic material of every Kryptonian. It didn't look at gender so if someone's best match for a strong, healthy and better offspring was of the same gender it didn't matter. Earth didn't have the same views on sex, gender and sexuality that Krypton had. There wasn't a word close enough to Kryptonian sexuality, but the closest Earth equivalent would be pansexuality. Kryptonians view gender as being mental, not physical.

It was so hard for Kara when she came to Earth and had to learn all these rules and views on gender and sexuality. All of these biases and prejudices. _So_ much hate over something people have no control over. It was completely different from how she'd been raised and she didn't agree with it, had fought against it every step of the way. _Still_ fought against it (Supergirl hasn't missed a Pride parade since she had come out, so to speak). Loving someone wasn't wrong no matter who or what they were. Alex nearly had a heart attack when Kara came home from high school one day and told her big sister about her crush on the girl who sat a row over from her in her creative writing class. She refused to speak to Kara for a week after that (which, seeing how far down Alex had been forcing her own sexuality with the weight of everyone else's expectations and bigotry, made much more sense).

On Krypton once matched hopefully the pair would develop a good relationship. The Codex did take personality into account as well because even if two people are the strongest match Krypton had ever seen the offspring would suffer if their personalities weren't compatible. Not everything was genetic. Upbringing, or _nurture,_ Kryptonians knew played a role as well. While developing a good relationship was always the hope, being together for romantic love was nearly unheard of on Krypton. Relationships were for procreation, supporting your partner and encouraging them to become the best that they could be to further the advancement of Krypton, sharing the burden of raising the next generation of stronger, smarter, more resistant Kryptonians and things of that nature. 

Kryptonians also mate for life. One person. For life. Of course there were exceptions made for instances of spousal abuse and death, but for the most part once matched that was it. There were no exceptions for infidelity that Kara knew about. Adultery wasn't heard of on Krypton as romantic love wasn't really a thing, but Kara was young when she had been sent away and doubts talks of infidelity would be something her parents would have included in her education so who knows. Kara imagined an exception could probably be made for it if it had ever happened. Kryptonians weren't a _cruel_ people. They wouldn't force someone to stay with a partner who betrayed their trust and marriage bond. Such bonds were sacred. It was considered a great honor to have a match and to work together to better each other and the next of the species. To betray that bond was to betray Rao. Dating wasn't a thing either. Not really. Most Kryptonian youth were too busy with their studies and working to be ready for whatever guild they were set to join to have the time to date when a match would be made for them anyway.

So it is safe to say she hadn't been raised to expect to fall in love. Love, marriage, dating and sex had been among some of the biggest shocks when she came to Earth. Oh, and pregnancy. That one had knocked Kara on her ass. Literally. She fainted. All she knew was the Codex and the Kryptonian birthing matrix. The Codex contained the genetic material and made matches. Once matched the birthing matrix combined the genetic material to conceive, gestate and, for lack of a better term, birth the child. Neither parent had very much to do with the process until the baby was _born_.

Sometimes she thought the Kryptonian way of doing things was better. Focusing on the advancement of the species leaving feelings and sex out of it. Certainly leaving childbirth out of it. The end result of having a child is beautiful, but childbirth is far from it. It's messy and painful and human women still died from it! There was no loss of life using the birthing matrix. There were no miscarriages, no stillbirths, no maternal death. Clean and efficient with a guaranteed end result.

(Next time she went to Argo she would have to ask her mother if they still use the Codex and the birthing matrix. Surely they still want to create better Kryptonians and further their advancement as a species, but when your planet is dying those probably aren't things you make sure to take with you when fleeing for your lives. Not when you were physically capable of doing it _the old fashioned way._ )

But the love part...that part was pretty great. She thought it would be in practice, anyway. Being able to find a partner for yourself based on, albeit messy, feelings and connections and mutual interests. Kara had never had sex with someone she was in love with. Mon-El was...she hadn’t been in love with him. Honestly she didn't even like him that much she was just with him because she thought she was supposed to be.

He was the closest thing she had to her lost world. They were from sister planets, they grew up under the same sun. Kara had never had sex before Mon-El because she was petrified of hurting someone, but with him she didn't have to worry about that so she'd done it. And it was okay, it was fine, she'd enjoyed it, but while she still didn't understand the hype she could see why it was so important to humans.

To experience that with someone you love must be undoubtedly special. Someone this constant hum under her skin was crying out for. Hell, just to kiss someone she loved will be so much better than kissing Mon-El. To kiss Lena....

….well...Kara thought she might combust on the spot. To be able to kiss Lena, to be intimate with her, to love her outside of the confines of her imagination...Kara couldn't think of anything better than that. And now she will probably never experience any of it, so maybe the Kryptonian way was better. No emotions, no pain, no feeling like her soul has been ripped from her body, no feeling lost in spce with no idea which way to turn. Maybe it would have been better to have never loved Lena. J'onn erased Supergirl from Alex's memory maybe he could erase Lena from hers.

That idea was dismissed almost as soon as it popped into her head. Loving Lena, however secretly and for whatever time she was allowed, was worth every ounce of pain.

Cue another day spent ignoring her tears and punching her way through anything that decided that today was their day to wreak havoc over Supergirl's city (it was not, in fact, their day). If she didn't get a handle on her very human-like emotions the DEO would need another holding facility. Cue Super girl being benched. By Alex. Her sister benched her and as her article for CatCo had already been edited and submitted, then re-edited and re-submitted again, she was left with little else to do than listen to some random show on tv in the background as she scrolled through her phone (normally she would spend a good amount of time eating as well, but her appetite had been touch and go since she saw the first tear fall from Lena's eyes). Somehow she found herself on some sad break-up page and came across a quote that resonated with her - 

_Sometimes you must_ _  
__hurt in order to know,  
_ _fall in order to grow,_ _  
__lose in order to gain.  
_ _Because most of life's  
_ _greatest lessons are  
_ _learned through pain_

Kara prayed to Rao that was true. Something has to come from all of this because being without Lena hurt _so much_. Was this to be the rest of her life now? Would it always hurt like this? The thought that Lena was probably feeling even _worse_ than she was starts a fresh round of tears to fall from red rimmed eyes. Maybe it wasn't that Lena was feeling _worse_ per say, but different. Lena was dealing with knowing that Kara purposefully lied to her for years, that everyday her _best friend_ choose to lie to her (presumably. Kara doesn't actually know because Lena wouldn't talk to her) and Kara was dealing with knowing how badly her actions hurt Lena. 

It was hard knowing the pain she'd caused to such a kind soul. Lena hadn't said anything to her yet, but Kara had seen every second of the beat down she gave her apartment, had heard her crying every night before she left National City. That was a lot of pain. Probably an amount they couldn't recover from, but Kara could hope. And pray. And wait. Because that was all she could do.

Whatever Lena was feeling right now was valid. That Lena felt betrayed and made to look like a fool. She is probably sad and heartbroken and angry and feeling more alone than ever because Kara proved that she was right to try to keep people away, that she was right to think that everyone would hurt her. Kara understood it all, she respected it, but she hated it. Nothing was ever guaranteed. Not today, not tomorrow, not even the next minute. Kara was intimately acquainted with death. The reality of that had been accepted long ago. Every time Kara stepped out the door (or window) there was a strong possibility she would't make it back and if she died protecting someone from harm then she had no regrets.

Lena was no stranger to death either. How many times had she been attacked? How many times had Supergirl gotten to her with barely a second to spare? How many times had Lena almost died?

Kara lost her world once. Then she came to Earth and built a new world for herself. A world revolving around family and friends, and then later work and Supergirl too. Then she met Lena. More quickly than Kara would have thought possible, and honestly faster than she was ready for, her world became bigger and smaller the closer they got until one day she looked up and Lena _was_ her world. Not her _entire_ world because she had Alex and Eliza, J'onn, Nia, Brainy, James, Winn (somewhere) and other family and friends, her career and work as a reporter, and her work as Supergirl, but her world nonetheless. 

Maybe _world_ wasn't the right word. No, Lena was more like her _sun_. What her world revolved around. Lena nourished her soul, warmed her heart, engaged her mind and made her feel that anything was possible. That she could do anything.  
  
With their lives being what they were every moment was precious so while Kara understood that Lena was dealing with this the best way she knew how, they were wasting time. Lena was human. She was not invulnerable. She didn’t have the long life span ahead of her that Kara did (thinking about all of the people she would be forced to watch die was another issue Kara refused to let herself think about). Every moment apart was a moment they wouldn't get back, one that couldn’t be replaced or made up for. It was just gone. 

_“You have secrets? I can get on board with that. I have secrets too.”_

Being an alien, being _Kryptonian_ , was Kara's secret. She didn't owe her identity to anyone. It was her decision who she told and when. But this was _Lena_ and Lena deserved so much better. Especially from Kara. Lena was guarded, she had walls fifty miles high and this was _exactly_ the reason why. Kara got Lena to open up and let her in on the premise that they were both open and honest with one another, but she never kept up her end of that deal. 

A shrill noise swiftly cut through Kara's wandering thoughts and she looked over to her cell ringing on the end table.

_Alex calling...._

With a groan, Kara grabbed the offending device and answered her sister's call. “Hey Alex,” she began, clearing her throat. She was Kara Zor-El, she was Supergirl. She was _not_ a heartbroken mess who couldn't get her shi...er...stuff together. “What's up?”

_“You're off comms."_

"You benched me."

_"We have a situation.”_

“A _Supergirl_ situation?” Kara chuckled humorlessly. “Once again, you _benched me_ Alex.”

_“We lost track of Lillian Luthor.”_

* * *

**Ireland**

Lena pressed a button on the remote in her hands to pause the TV across from her. Just another compilation of Supergirl on TV she'd brought with her to torture herself. _Research,_ she corrected. It was all research. Only watching her _best friend_ fall from the sky in a blur of blue and blood hit her a lot harder than watching Supergirl fall and create a crater in the middle of the street. A sob slipped past her control when she saw a team in black swarm to the fallen hero – when she saw _Alex_ run to _Kara_. Reign had almost killed her. Sam hasn’t had control when she was Reign, but nevertheless Reign was in the body of her friend when she almost killed Kara.

She was the reason Sam (and thus, Reign) had come to National City. 

How many times had she almost lost her best friend and not known about it? Kara was nearly invincible, but she was just that. _Nearly_ invincible. Not that Lena needed to look up at the screen to remember that night, but she will never forget the images of Supergirl broken, bloody and still on the ground. How many times has she almost lost the person who meant the most to her in the world without knowing about it? 

She scoffed, swallowing a large mouthful of the whiskey soaked tea in her mug.

Ignorance is bliss, isn't it?

Lena had been here for weeks now and still spent a good part of everyday trying just to breathe through this crippling fear at the thought that she had almost lost Kara several times. It wa getting better. Some days her anger won out, some days she couldn't catch her breath, some days she just felt numb, some days she realized she was losing her just as much now as she had during any tough battle, but there was never a day where she didn't care. 

It was for these exact circumstances that Lena kept a house here. When she had to get away from National City for a while. Her mother was Irish. That was all Lena had been able to find out about the woman in two decades. The Luthors kept her identity well hidden and even though Lionel and Lex were dead and Lillian was God knows where, somehow any information was still hidden. Anytime Lena had asked anything about her birth mother or family growing up she received the same response. “ _You're a Luthor._ We _are your family.”_

So when she was a freshman in college and away from their influence she did one of those genealogy DNA things (under a fake name and later scrubbing the company's server of her results, even deeper hacking into their system to move her physical DNA sample onto the 'destroy' list, and, of course, later confirming it had actually been destroyed). She had been a teenager with a family who never gave a shit and desperate for _something._ Anything that could show her who her mother was. Who _she_ was.

Identity was complicated.

God if Lillian had known what she did....

All it told her was that her mother was Irish as she was half Irish (the technology was still relatively new back then) and Lillian was adamant her husband didn't have a drop of Irish blood in him. _“Irish? No. One would think he was Scottish with his love of Scotch, but not that either."_ Their Irish DNA was traced to the village on the coast she was currently residing in. Ashford. In a county whose motto was _Free Spirits_. Lena liked to imagine her mother had been a free spirit. From the little bits she could remember from the first four years of her life that was true. What she could remember these days was dwindling - images of her mother at the stove, being chased around a field, staring out at the lake knowing something was wrong, but not being able to do anything about it, and feelings of love, safety, happiness.

As soon as she'd been able she'd come and bought the property here (a summer study abroad program before she graduated that she'd had an ulterior motive for pursuing). It was a way for her to feel close to her mother, to the life she was supposed to have, and to have something that was just hers away from the Luthors. The village wasn't so small that an American moving in would be given any special notice (the population was between 1400-1500), especially one who kept more or less to herself. Big enough for her to come and go unnoticed, but small enough to hide. Then again, she figured she wasn't really American then, was she? Not fully, at least. Not if her mother was Irish. She had American citizenship because her father was American, but she had been born here.

So this was where she came when she needs to do exactly that. Hide. Only she was a Luthor and Luthor's didn't hide, so she isn't a Luthor here. Here she's just Lena. Here in this light colored stone cottage with the cobbled walkway, master bedroom with a cast iron fireplace, attic she had turned into her own little library and views of the ocean out of any of the back windows and of plush green out the front. Here she fell asleep listening to the sound of the waves and woke to the sound of birds. Here the entire house smelled like the flowers that grow all around the cottage. Here she belonged. Even if she was alone, she belonged. 

For someone who never felt she fits in anywhere she went, that feeling was something she held onto tightly.

Despite the outward appearance her cottage and surrounding property are more or less off the grid. L-Corp has it's own private satellite she uses for WiFi and cable (her connection is untraceable, of course). There are solar panels for electricity and a large gas running generator that could keep her going with every single appliance turned on for a week. There was a system that collects rainwater and stores it in what, from the outside, looks to be nothing more than your average well, but was in fact highly sophisticated technology. Trips into town were needed for groceries and supplies, but there was a fully stocked root cellar next to a decent wine collection downstairs along with plenty of storage space and a panic room. Someone could lock her in the cabin, hell _she_ could lock herself in, and she could live comfortably for months. It wasn't like the thought hadn't occurred to her many times.

There were various proprietary technologies in place to prevent anyone from finding her if she enabled them. No one could track her phone or laptop. Electronically she was untraceable and not that this village has any cameras around the paths she takes or businesses she visits (and yes, she has checked. Often.), but if one did randomly pop-up she has has a special pair of earrings she wore that distort her image on camera for any potential facial recognition. 

When Lena Luthor doesn't want to be found she won't be found. 

She was aware that Kara could listen for her. Her voice or her heartbeat (It wasn't narcissistic to think the Kryptonian knows her heart beat was it? They'd been best friends for three years!), but she had read enough of Lex's notes on Kryptonian physiology the past few weeks to know Kara would have to be much closer to hear her and while Kara was persistent, dedicated and thorough, she doubted the blonde would try flying over every continent, country, state, city, town and village to listen for her. Even if Kara wanted to it would take too much time.

So this was where she came when she needed to think or escape or when she was confused or just needed a break. Even if she didn’t know where exactly, and doesn’t have a name in which to ask about (she had gone through county records to find any record of her birth or a baby girl born around the time she had been and had come up, unsurprisingly, empty), this was where her mother had lived. This was where her family was from. This was where Lena lived the first few years of her life and most likely would have spent her childhood and maybe even her adulthood. This was where Lena belongs. 

A few days here always left her feeling better. Back on track. Centered. Rejuvenated. Empowered.  
Or it usually used to. It's been weeks and she still felt as lost as when she arrived.

With one last look at the television Lena turned it off and brought her mug into the kitchen, depositing it in the sink to wash. That was enough of that for today. As she went through the mindless motions of washing her mug she stared out the window and watched the waves crash along the shore. Or, at least in that direction. It was late and too dark to see much, though it was a clear night for once and the moon and stars were bright.

How had she never noticed? She and Kara had sleepovers for crying out loud. She had fallen asleep beside her friend and woken tangled together and she couldn't tell Kara was Supergirl? To be fair Kara always had her hair up while sleeping. Lena sighed. It made sense now. Kara preferred to have her hair up and glasses on, but at home she was a bit more relaxed. Even then she would always have at least one part of her _disguise_ if Lena was around. If her hair was down, her glasses on. If her glasses were off, her hair was up. 

Maybe this was all her fault. Maybe she created an environment that forced Kara into hiding, that didn't make her feel safe enough to tell Lena. The alien detection device (that she did later scrap after thinking long and hard on the points Kara made about it), nearly marrying and having children with Kara's boyfriend, being the reason said boyfriend was sent away in a cloud of lead-laced smoke, everything with Reign and kryptonite. All of that outside the fact that her brother tried to kill Kara’s cousin, killing innocent people in the process and that her mother was the head of a vile organization known for torturing, killing and experimenting on aliens. Aliens like Kara.

Hell if Lena had been in Kara's shoes she probably wouldn't feel safe enough to confess her alien physiology either.

With a shake of her head, Lena grabbed a dish towel and dried the mug before setting it down beside the stove for her next cup of whiskey flavored tea. The buzzing of her cell phone back in the living room drew her back. Seven missed calls from Kara. She must have been deeper in thought than she realized not to hear the first six. Kara was persistent, but this was extreme even for her and the current state of their relationship. The Kryptonian was far from stupid, Lena knew. Despite Lena saying they were okay Kara knew they weren't.

Against her better judgement she picked up on the eighth call before it could go to voicemail again, deciding she wanted that next cup of tea now and heading back into the kitchen. “Kara what is it? I'm in a meeting.” Lying to her best friend left a bitter taste in her mouth. Did it do the same to Kara all those times she lied to her? Or had she built up a tolerance? Had she even cared to begin with?

_“I know you're busy Lena, I'm sorry. I wouldn't be calling if it wasn't important.”_

That was probably true, at least. Kara was persistent and oblivious most of the time, but the girl could take a hint. “Well what is it then?” She asked, all business. Kara had torn down her walls with a simple flutter of her eyelashes, a single laugh, one goddamn flash of her pearly white smile, but Kara wasn’t here. Lena could’t see her so she could put some walls back up. For her own mental health.

_“Lena, your mo-”_

Kara was cut off by the loud crackling of static over the line. “Kara?” Lena asked, pulling the phone away from her ear. As if seeing the screen would yield any answers. Was Kara flying? “Kara I can't hear you.”

_“Le.......lost tr........lill...”_

“Kara I still can't hear you, you keep cutting out. All I'm hearing is static.” Pinning the phone between her ear and shoulder she dropped one of her favorite tea bags into her mug followed by hot water from the kettle.

_“...think.......after.......ou-”_

Lena shook her head. As she installed the WiFi connection herself and knew the satellite was currently working perfectly (she received alerts when it wasn’t), whatever the issue was it wasn't coming from her end. “Kara text me. Something is interfering.”

_“....not safe.......”_

“Kara, what-”

_“You need.......c.......home.”_

“Home?” The thought alone sent a chill through Lena. She wasn't ready to be back in the same city as Kara. It was too soon. She needed to sort out her feelings first. Decide if she wanted to fix their relationship or sever all ties and figure out if either option was even possible. “Kara I can't come home. I told you I have to figure out this issue L-Corp is having. I know I've been here for a while, but I'm nowhere closer to a solution yet. If there's nothing else I need to get back to my meeting.”

 _“Lena, your life-”_ Kara's voice and the static cut out as the call abruptly ended.

Lena looked down at the phone in her hand for a minute unable to stop the fear that runs like ice through her. Kara had proven herself a liar, but surely she wouldn't lie about Lena's _safety_ and her _life_ just to get her to return. Above all else Kara had always shown an unwavering protective streak when it comes to her. Kara wouldn't lie about something like this. Lena wasn't sure of much at the moment, but she ws sure of at least that much.

Eventually she calmed her heartbeat and shrugged. “My life is my life,” she said to herself as if that explained everything and to her, it did. As fucked up as that was. Lena knows it was fucked up. On the off chance something really was wrong, Lena walked back into the living room and pressed a button on the side of the fireplace that essentially puts the cottage on lock down (there were several such buttons throughout the cottage). It only appeared for a moment of shimmering blue before disappearing to the naked eye, but a large dome surrounds the house and a good portion of the property. It was, of course, impenetrable, and surrounded the underground as well making it a giant circle of protection. 

For the life of her Lena couldn't understand why Lex had always refused to work with aliens when they have technology like this that could _protect_ and _help_ them. Okay, she could understand. Because that same technology could be turned around to attack them, but anything could become a weapon if you were creative enough.

Speaking of aliens...

 _“I flew here on a bus.”  
_ _“I...ah...I was getting coffee with Kara Danvers when you called.”_ _  
__“Kara Danvers believes in you.”_ _  
__“I'm sorry. I forgot to take my allergy medicine today.”_ _  
__“Mercy must have hired terrible marksmen. They totally missed me.”  
"I must have passed out."_

With a nod she went back into the kitchen, took out the tea bag out of her mug and added a heavy pour of whiskey. No point in pretending to restrain herself. Who was she trying to fool? It was late enough anyway. She could drink herself to sleep. Again. Before putting the whiskey back in the cabinet she took a long pull straight from the bottle. “Yep,” she nodded, raising the bottle in toast. “This is my life.”

* * *

**National City**

Kara tightened her grip around the device in her hands, barely resisting as her sister pried her fingers off and rescued the phone from being crushed to dust.

“No luck?” The elder Danvers asked, checking Kara's cell for any damage. Surprisingly there was none, but she wasn't about to let it go too easily and risk it. Someone was going to notice the rate at which her sister went through cell phones.

“No, it...” Kara sighed, running a hand through her hair. “There was interference. I could hear her but I don't think she could hear half of what I was saying.”

“Are you sure she wasn't lying?” Kara threw a glare at her sister that had the Director holding her hands up in surrender. “I'm just saying. It doesn't seem like she wants to talk...right now,” Alex finished, choosing her words carefully. The last thing she wanted to do was cause her sister more pain, but with disappearing and not responding to any of Kara's messages it did look like Lena didn't want to talk to her. “We'll try, okay? _I'll_ try. You go take a walk or something. There is no immediate danger from Lillian that we can see-”

“Something is wrong, Alex, I know it.”

Alex nodded and spoke gently. “Okay, tell me what's going on.” Kara's senses were usually pretty accurate, but she was hurting. The kind of hurt that puts a fog over everything and made it a harder to be sure of things. Alex trusted her sister with her life, but when she was thinking clearly.

“I don't...I don't know." Kara shook her head. "Where are we on finding Lillian?”

“Kara,” Alex began with a gentle smile. One that had Kara immediately looking away because that smile with that tone of voice always made her feel like a child being placated. “I called you ten minutes ago. We are doing everything we can, but it literally just happened.”

“Something is going on, Alex.”

“Yeah, I know Kar. I feel it too.” And she did. Despite her not being sure if Kara's gut feeling was 100% trust worthy, something felt off. With Lillian disappearing, Lena’s call dropping and not being able to reconnect...That's two too many coincidences when it came to this family. “But it's been ten minutes.”

“Just...Just one more time?” Kara asked, pointing to her cell phone still in Alex's hands. With a look silently warning Kara to be careful, Alex handed over the phone. Kara tried Lena two more times. They both go straight to voicemail. Before Alex could wrestle the phone from her she tried a third time.

_“This number has been disconnected.”_

“Alex!”

Alex put both hands on her sister's arms, seeing and feeling the tension and fear rolling off the Kryptonian in waves. “You know she needs space, Kara. It's always possible that she's doing this herself. In fact, it’s the most likely scenario.”

“With an 87% certainty.” Brainy chimed in from a nearby computer.

“The call dropped then I tried her again and it dropped again without connecting,” Kara sighed. “Then it went from voicemail to disconnected in the span of fifteen seconds. She wouldn't even know I was calling.”

Okay, yeah, that's odd, but Alex didn't know what a hurt Lena could do. She knew Lena wasn't like the rest of her family, but she also knew what Luthors are capable of. “We have her work cell number. We’ll try that, okay? If that doesn't work maybe her assistant has another way to reach her-”

“Right! Jess! Yes, I can-”

An impressive rumble comes from the Kryptonian’s stomach momentarily cutting through the tension and making both sisters chuckle. “Food. Go. Then maybe take a walk. Cool down-” 

Kara goes to protest, but Alex once again rescued the blonde's cell phone from her grip. The new ridges on the sides show Kara that maybe she did need a minute to cool down and clear her head. Chances are Alex was right. Lena was fine. Lillian was a slippery snake, but that didn't mean she wa going after Lena. Things had been...amicable between the two of them as of late and Lillian stabbing her in the back to rescue Lena from the Daxamites at least shows she has some value for her adopted daughter's safety. She was probably just up to her average attempt to attack the alien population or take over the world.

“Come back when you're done. We will try to contact Lena. Hopefully we’ll have gotten through to her by the time you come back and I can tell you _I told you so._ ”

Kara huffed when her stomach rumbles again. “Fine." Holding her hand out for her phone she gave in with an exaggerated eye roll and another huff when her sister refused to relinquish the device.

“I’m doing this for your own good,” Alex insisted. “Stay on comms.”

“I will be back in twenty minutes.” With that she turned around and flew out of the building landing in an alley across from the park. In a second she was Kara Danvers again and headed toward her favorite food truck, aptly named _Well That's Cheesy,_ with a smile on her face. It was the ultimate in comfort food and easily the most popular truck around, but they knew her. The minute they saw her at the back of the line (the very _long_ line), Kara was waved around to the side. It was barely two minutes before a large bag is deposited in her arms. “You are too good to me, Annie.”

The older brunette took the money Kara held out with a smile, not saying anything about the extra Kara always includes. She had long since learned it ws an argument she would not win. Annie was in her early 60s and with no kids she liked to treat her regulars. Someone with a Kryptonian metabolism wa not about to say no to that. “I put some in for your sister, too.”

“You spoil us.”

The woman waved Kara off before rushing back inside to get back to the lunchtime rush and Kara wondered over to her favorite bench, thankfully unoccupied, and opened the bag. The smell made her mouth water. There were two sandwiches that were combination of BLT (without the L) and grilled cheese (a BTC, if you will), an overflowing bowl of chili cheese fries and large orders of fried mac and cheese balls and mozzarella sticks. Just for her. At the bottom was what Kara knew was an order of pasta al forno and a bowl of french onion soup for Alex. It should be enough to hold her over for a while, but she'll visit the little ice cream shop around the corner on her way back to the DEO for a milkshake for dessert anyway. 

Maybe two.

And a brownie.

Ten minutes and only a few mac and cheese balls left later, Kara noticed a familiar face walking away from the playground. There was an older girl with her this time, walking a bit ahead, who looked a lot like the little girl Kara met a few weeks ago. Maybe she had an older daughter?

“Ella! Wait for me!”

Kara did a double take. There was no way. While Kara fully admitted to not knowing much about kids, this little girl was noticeably older than the one she met before. If it was really the same Ella she was aging much faster than a human child should. She knew that kids grew fast, but this wasn't the _everyday you get older_ sort of aging and growing up. It was the _haven't seen you in a year_ sort. Although no one ever said that she was human. There were many alien species that could appear outwardly human, or use image inducers. To assume any one was human could be a mistake on Kara's part.

It was always possible that she just hadn't gotten a good look the first time. It was been late at night and after Kara had watched a drunken Lena destroy her apartment so her mind wasn't as focused as it would normally be, but she swore Ella's hair had been inches shorter and lighter than it was now. Could be a trick of the single street lamp she plopped the girl under though, she supposed.

Reaching into her jacket pocket she goes to grab her cell phone to take a picture only to remember Alex was holding it hostage. “Dammit Alex” It wasn't that she felt that anything was _wrong_ , but something about this didn't feel _right._ If Ella was an alien the DEO may have a record of her.

“Kara, right?”

“Yeah, hi” Kara smiled at the pair, stuffing the last mac and cheese ball into her mouth and brushing her hands off on her jeans as she stood. Ella was already running toward her. “Hi Miss Kara!”

“Hey Ella. Have you been staying away from streets lately?”

As if remembering Kara's prior words, Ella stopped in her tracks and waited for her mother to catch up before taking her hand and resuming her walk over to Kara. Once they were close enough Kara knew this was the same Ella. There ws no mistaking those eyes or that mischievous smirk. “I have! Right, Mommy?”

Lauren, Kara was pretty sure was her name, looked up at Kara with a mock serious look on her face. “She has, she's been very good about it,” she smiled down at the little girl for a moment before turning back to Kara. “She’s really taken what you said to heart.”

“Oh,” Kara smiled. It wasn’t everyday, or ever really, that she was able to impart life saving advice as Kara Danvers and have anyone actually follow it. “Well I'm very glad.”

“Safety first, right?” Ella beamed, clearly very proud of herself for remembering something so important.

“Right,” Kara nodded, remembering a second too late not to put her fists on her hips in her classic Supergirl pose and ended up looking like she was just sort of flailing for a moment. “Sorry, there was a...a bee.”

Lauren raised a brow, but Ella was moving closer to Kara before she could say anything.

“Miss Kara I'm going to meet my Grandma today! I've never met her before.”

Kara smiled at the clear excitement trying to burst out of this girl's little body despite her obvious attempt to keep herself under control. Her every cell was nearly screaming out to do something with all this excited energy. 

“Yes, she's been away on work since Ella was born.”

“That is so exciting!” Bending down to be more on Ella's level, Kara couldn't help but ask this burning question. Lauren did lead right to it. “And how old are you, Miss Ella?”

The light behind Ella's eyes dimmed just a little bit and she immediately looked to her mother. Kara followed her gaze, but Lauren quickly threw on an impressive poker face leaving her unable to decipher anything. Ella's whole body language had changed. The excited energy was gone replaced with...well, with what looks like nerves and...maybe fear? What does she have to be nervous or scared about with saying how old she was? Had she just been just taught not to talk to strangers? But she had been talking to Kara fine a second ago. Did she recently have a birthday and didn't remember? 

More than ever Kara wished she had her phone to take a picture, but she had their names so she could (and would) run those through the DEO. Hopefully they were who they claimed to be, but just in case...Kara looked around for a moment and spotted a few cameras that should get them in their view, but they were all facing Lauren and Ella's backs. If she could get them to turn around a bit she could have someone pull their images off the footage and run their photos. This may be a little extreme, hacking cameras to get pictures of people she'd met twice and spoken to for less than five minutes, but something was pulling at Kara telling her to investigate and, as a reporter, Kara wouldn't stop until she figured it out.

“I'm tw....three!” Ella eventually says cheerfully, but there’s still something behind her eyes.

“Three, really? You're almost fully grown. Do you have a job?”

Ella laughed, the light coming back to her eyes. Even her mother looked more relaxed, though her stony expression remained the same. “No,” she giggled.

“What do you mean, no?” Kara joked. Standing up under the pretense of collecting the things from her lunch and throwing in all a nearby barrel, she positioned herself so that Ella and Lauren would have to face her and, thus, the cameras to continue talking.

“I'm too little!” Ella insisted, turning to face Kara. It didn't escape Kara's notice that Lauren didn't turn. In fact, her grip on Ella's hand tightened and she pulled the girl slightly back towards her.

“Oh, right” Kara laughed, tapping her head. “What am I thinking? You probably-”

“I'm really sorry Kara, but we have to go-”

“But Mommy-”

“No _but_ s Ella we have to go. Grandma is waiting.”

Ella's shoulders slump and Kara just wanted to give her a hug, but had a feeling that wouldn't be so well received. She was, after all, just a stranger to these people and something was clearly going on.

“Of course,” Kara said with a forced smile. “I don't want to keep you. Have a great time meeting your Grandma, Ella. Hopefully I'll see you again.” Lauren was back to looking like she wanted to _bolt_. The tension was rolling off her in a way that looked physically painful. It hadn’t been there when they first walked over. Why did a question about how old Ella was enough to cause such a drastic change? 

The sadness in little eyes felt like a physical blow to Kara's stomach and as she watched the pair walk away something clicked. One of her eyes, the green one, it's _Lena's_. The last time she'd seen her best friend she had the same look in her eyes. Sadness. Pain. Heartbreak.

The dimples, the shape of her eyes and eyebrows, her chin, the smirk that always seems to be on her face...There was a resemblance to Lauren, to whoever this woman who is claiming to her her mother really was, but there was no doubt that that little girl was Lena Luthor's daughter. 

“Oh Rao.”

But Ella...she was three. She and Lena had known each other for three years. Surely this was something she would have noticed. She wasn't _that_ oblivious. A second heartbeat coming from Lena's body would have definitely caught her attention not to mention the physical changes that come along with pregnancy.

So what the hell was going on?

Did she and Lena meet shortly after Ella's birth? Did she give the little girl up for adoption? Kara couldn't imagine Lena donating her eggs, but it could be a possible explanation?

Sometimes kids look like family members other than their parents. Logically Kara knew this. She couldn't say with 100% certainty, but if Lena's biological mother had another child Lena would know about it. Probably. Most likely. Maybe Lionel got around more than anyone knew and Lauren was another Luthor sibling. It _could_ be possible for Ella to be Lena's niece and look _so much_ like her, but no. Kara shook her head. This was more than that she could _feel_ it. There was a reason Lauren had such an abrupt change when she asked Ella how old she was.

Kara felt her heart drop to the very pit of her stomach. This _Grandma_ Ella's never met...could it be Lillian Luthor? It would make sense Ella's never met her as shes been in and out of prison, on the run and busy trying to annihilate alien populations the past three years. Ella meeting her grandmother right when they lose track of Lillian was too much of a coincidence for someone who looked like a clone of her best friend. 

Too many coincidences. A little girl who looked just like Lena, a dark haired woman with an 'L' name and, now that she thought about it, suspiciously Luthor-like features who freaked out when Kara asked how old her _daughter_ was...With a furrowed brow Kara has a thought. Thorul. thoruL. Luthor. Her heart sunk even further.

Alex's lunch forgotten on the bench, Kara raced back to the alley, changed to her super suit and sped off into the sky to the DEO. Looks like she wasn't the only one with a big, life changing secret.


	3. El Mayara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex assembles a team, Kara finds Lena and Lena has a different take on the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeey...soooo...it's been a while. I don't have a good reason why I just abandoned this story so I'm not even going to try. Here's another chapter :) I also went back and changed a couple things in the previous two, so might be worth giving them a re-read before this chapter. Also just to remember as it's been a long time...Sorry :)

Not much more than a blur in the sky, Kara slowed her descent as she dropped below the clouds lest she pulled buildings from their foundations as she flew past. Despite her slowing her speed, papers still flew off tables as she landed within the DEO, but no expensive equipment toppled over so that was a win in her book. Unsurprisingly, her sister was in more or less the same place she had been when Kara left for lunch not long ago. “Alex!”

“We haven't been able to contact her yet, Supergirl.”

“Huh?” Kara questioned, before remembering what Alex said she would do while Kara was gone. It hadn't been more than twenty minutes that she was away from the DEO, but even so, contacting Lena had dropped down on her list of priorities. Still important, still _extremely_ important, but no longer priority number one. Priority two though, for sure. Walking over to one of the computers to the side of the room, Kara's fingers flew over the keyboard.

“Something going on?” Alex asked, following her sister. With narrowed eyes she raised her eyebrows at the search being conducted.

“I need to find out everything I can on a Lauren and Ella Thorul. Or, at least Lauren Thorul. I'm kind of just assuming Ella has the same last name.”

“Whoa whoa whoa okay, slow down,” Alex began, trying to step between her sister and the computer whose keyboard was smoking with how fast the Kryptonian was typing. “Before you break the damn computer!”

Kara paused, eyes locked on the monitor in front of her before stepping away with a sigh, hands up in acquiescence of her sister's request.

“Thank you. Now-” Alex nodded, waiting until Kara looked up at her to continue. “Explain.”

“I think Lena has a daughter.”

Of all the things Alex could have anticipated her sister saying that was not one of them. That wasn't even anywhere near any of the ideas she could have possibly come up with. Her eyes roamed the room for a moment before locking on their target. “Vasquez! Take over for a few minutes.”

Vasquez nodded to the agent beside her before making her way over to Alex and adopting the Director’s stance. “Yes Director.”

“You-” Alex turned back to Kara. “Conference room. Now.”

They walked silently down the hall. Alex got pulled away for a moment to sign something, so Kara continued to the room on her own. She could do with a moment or two to collect her thoughts anyway. 

Unfortunately, a moment was all she got and zero thoughts had been collected. Running through her mind was a jumbled mess of _How? Why? Ella. Lena. Where is she? Where are they? Cadmus. Lillian. I MISS her. I’m confused. I wish someone would tell me it’s going to be okay. Who’s Ella’s father?_

“Thank you for waiting,” Kara raised an eyebrow as her sister walked into the room. _Thank you for waiting?_ One look at the elder Davers and Kara could see that she was every bit the Director her title dictated. This woman wasn't her sister. Hell, she wasn't even _Alex._ The woman standing before her was Director Danvers - from the way her eyes focused in on Kara without the warmth she had come to associate with her sister, the tension in her entire body like she was in the middle of battle and mentally had seven steps at the ready to eliminate the threat, the way her entire body exuded power, confidence and leadership. If Kara wasn’t her sister she may even be a little intimidated, but as it was....she had seen _Director Danvers_ squealing and giggling over cute baby animals, trip over her own two feet, and get flustered by a pretty girl, so the intimidation factor didn't really work on her. Plus, you know, she was Supergirl, so...

Nevertheless, she knew Director Danvers got shit done so she was grateful she was there.

“Now, I need you to go about five steps before the beginning and explain _everything_.”

Kara did.

Starting with the Pulitzer ceremony and revealing her secret to Lena she walked Alex – _Director Danvers_ – through everything. In explicit detail she told of the extensive damage Lena had done to her penthouse, carrying her to bed after she passed out in an alcohol induced sleep, running into Lauren Thorul and Ella the first time and how she felt _something_ then, but was too deep into her own head about the state of her and Lena's friendship to care to figure it out, how Lena cried every night until she left on this unexpected business trip, the texts and calls to Lena that had gone unreturned, running into Lauren and Ella again in the park and how Ella was _older,_ the panic Lauren clearly felt when Kara asked Ella how old she was and how the little girl almost looked scared, Ella's two different colored eyes and _“You know Lena has two different colored eyes”_ one of which was the exact shade of Lena's slightly lighter colored eye and held the same sadness, her dimples, the shape of her her eyes and eyebrows, her smirk, her chin and how all of it was Lena. 

She kept going until she'd shared her every thought on the subject with her sister. How Ella could be Lena's niece and just look a lot like her, or that Lena could've donated her eggs or given Ella up for adoption, but Lena is ( _was?)_ her best friend. Sharing never came easy to the Luthor, but surely if she'd had a daughter, even one she gave up, or if she had been an egg donor that would have been something she told her best friend? She rambled on and on until her brain was finally quiet. And, Rao, it had been so long since she was able to hear the quiet of a room without her own thoughts screaming at her.

“There were cameras at the park that caught their backs and Ella's face, but Lauren seemed to know where they were and refused to face them.”

Alex stood still for a minute, eyes roaming as her mind came up with a plan before she nodded once and turned to Kara. “How's Nia with a computer?”

“Nia?” Kara repeated. “I mean she's no Winn, but I doubt anybody is.”

“Hmm.” Alex hummed in acknowledgement before pressing the comm in her ear. “Brainy, can you call Dreamer in please? When she gets here I need you both to join Supergirl and I in the....yes...” After listening to Brainy's response, Alex turned to Kara and answered her unasked question. “I only want people we trust on this.”

Kara's body sagged, releasing a tension she hadn't been aware she was holding. It all sounded crazy. She knew it sounded absolutely, ridiculously _crazy,_ but that didn’t mean it wasn’t true. Alex trusting her on this without questions meant so much to her. It meant a lot that Alex didn’t have to think about trusting her instincts. This was what she felt was going on and that was enough for Alex to act. Rao knew it wasn’t the _most_ ridiculous thing they've dealt with. 

With a smile at her sister that had Director Danvers softening into Alex for a quick moment, Kara pulled herself back into Supergirl with a nod of understanding. If, for some reason, it turned out she was completely wrong about all of this, the less people who knew the better. But if she was right...if Ella was Lena's daughter and Lillian was involved there was no knowing where ears are listening. Despite their best efforts Cadmus had gotten people on the inside before.

Being a Luthor, and the CEO of one of the most influential and successful companies on the planet, the _female_ CEO of one of the most influential and successful companies on the planet, made Lena a big target. Whether people hated her, hated all that she’d achieved or just wanted money, they looked at her and saw dollar signs. If news about a possible child of hers got out…..

Kara shook her head. 

There was zero chance she would let anyone get to Ella, let alone Cadmus. It wasn't even a conscious decision. It was as if somewhere in her genetic code she came pre-programed to protect Lena. It didn't matter what the status of their relationship was or if Lena was ignoring her or hated the very sight of her. She would protect Lena with her life and any child or children she may have. It was instinctual.

While they waited for Brainy and Nia, Kara turned her attention back to another matter. While it had slipped down in priority, it was still a priority. “So you haven’t been able to reach Lena?”

“No.”

Kara nodded. “After we figure out a game plan with this I'm going to go up to the Fortress of Solitude and track her from there.”

“Kara,” Kara sighed. Director Danvers had left the building. She knew it came from a place of love. That her sister was just trying to put things as gently as she could because everything with her and Lena was so....fucked...and really affecting her, but everytime she adopted what Kara knew was supposed to be this soft, soothing tone she made her feel like that dumb little alien who first landed here (of course Kara had never actually been _dumb_ , but rather just uneducated in everything relating to Earth and human culture). She was the Girl of Steel. There was no need for this. Yes so much as mentioning Lens's name felt like getting a kryptonite punch to the stomach, but she was dealing with it. “Maybe you should just give her a little more time.”

“This has nothing to do with time, Alex. Regardless of the reason I was trying to reach her before, she needs to know about this new issue. She could have a daughter.”

“That she very well could know about. Like you said Kara, it's possible she had her before you guys met and put her up for adoption or donated her eggs or she really is her niece and just looks a lot like her, or she could even be some random girl who looks a lot like Lena without sharing any genetics. They are all possibilities. You can't drag Lena into it until we know what's going on _for sure_. Until we have confirmation.”

“What if Rhea created a child before they left?” Kara began, just spitballing ideas. “That was her goal, to marry Lena and Mon-El and make heirs. They don’t even need you to do it. Just some hair which I’m sure she took as soon as Lena was on the ship. She could’ve created embryos and left them with someone on Earth.” Kara took a breath around the nausea swirling around her stomach. She did NOT want to think about her ex-boyfriend and the woman she was in love with having a child together. That was so many levels of complicated. Yet another prayer to Rao that that idea was just that - an idea. Not the truth. _Please so far from the truth._

With a deep breath she shook her head. Alex looked like she was actually contemplating that idea and - no. “If there was a possibility that I had a child out there I would want to know. A one in a million chance, I would want to know _immediately_. If Lena does know about her I will drop it and move on, but if she doesn't...this is her daughter, Alex, I know it. Lena deserves to know. Wouldn't you want to know if I ran into a little girl who looked just like you?”

Alex stopped her pacing and looked up at Kara. “Yeah,” she said softly. “Of course I would.”

“I understand what you're saying,” Kara began with a truly apologetic smile. She felt bad using Alex's desire to have kids to prove her point, but it was true. She would want to know if it was her. It was hard to imagine Lena not feeling the same way. Lena, who didn't have a great childhood, who lost her mother when she was young and her father when she was older, but still young, who had been betrayed by every family member she could remember, who had only ever wanted a family to love her. “But even before it really hit me about Ella, Lillian was out there doing who knows what and I'm still worried she’s going to try to get to Lena. I won't lie to her again, not about anything.”

Alex pursed her lips. It wasn't that she didn't understand, but that Lena was already dealing with a lot. Regardless of whether the little girl was her daughter or not it was going to be quite the mind fuck. “It will take you some time to get to the Fortress, find her, get to her and convince her to come back. At the very least by then we should know if their names are legitimate or not.”

“It's a start,” Kara said with a smile. They didn't have much (it had only been a few minutes), but there was a plan for finding Lena and Alex had a plan for investigating Lauren and Ella. It was something. Much more than she had on her own and it made her feel a little better. Not the kind of better she would feel if she had some straight answers or if Lena was speaking to her, but better enough for now.

Alex reached into a back pocket and handed Kara her cell phone back. Kara took it with a smile and immediately sent Lena another text. A '911' that always had Lena calling her within seconds regardless of what she was doing at the time, but unsurprisingly kicked back a 'Not delivered' message. She tried calling her only to, again unsurprisingly, get the same _this number is not in service_ message. With a groan she let her head fall onto the table in front of her, her worry increasing by the second. All these protective instincts inside her were being triggered by Ella appearing, Lillian disappearing and Lena being unreachable and she couldn't do anything with them.

It felt like being caged. Like she was in a box and could only take two steps forward and two steps back. Constantly trying to make progress only to be forced back to where she started. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _Rao please watch over them._

“I gotta say, of all of us to have a kid first Lena would not have been my first guess,” Alex joked. “Or my second. Or third. Not even in the top five.”

Kara chuckled, lifting her head up to face her sister. “I know. It's crazy. You should see her Alex, she's so cute. She's got these dimples and this mischievous little smirk...I bet she's a handful too. But beyond that she...she looks as if she knows more than any child her age should. It’s behind her eyes, it’s...” Kara trailed off with a sigh. “I don’t know. I feel like I know her.”

“And she has two different colored eyes you said?”

“Yeah, one's just like Lena's and one's light blue.”

Alex's eyes snapped over to her sister's. “Light blue?”

“Mhmm,” Kara smiled. “Like the sky.” 

“Hmm.” Alex hummed, staring intently at Kara before shaking her head. She was an incredibly skilled black ops agent. If anyone could control where their thoughts wandered it would be her and she refused to let her mind go there. Not until they had more information. Ella, Lena, Lillian....too much was happening at once for any of it to be a coincidence. If this was Cadmus she wouldn't put anything past them. “How do you think Lena's going to react?”

Kara let out a long breath. “I have no idea. She's already going through so much...” She trailed off, guilt flooding hot into her chest. Knowing how badly she hurt her best friend, the _love of her life,_ sat like a stone in the pit of her stomach. Not telling Lena had been a mistake. She knew that. She's _known_ that since the beginning, but at the time it had been worth it to keep her relationship with Lena. If she could go back would she change things? _Of course_ she would. Hindsight is always 20/20, but if her friends had taught her anything it was that time travel came with too many risks. Who knew what could be affected if she went back and told Lena sooner. Despite the aching, burning, heavy pain in her soul it wasn't worth the risk. The choice not to tell Lena had been hers to make and now she had to live with the consequences.

“But she's strong,” she says, finally. It will be a shock. Finding a child you never knew existed would be Kara supposed, but just imagining Lena and Ella together brought a warmth to her that she couldn’t describe. It brought a smile to her lips and a flush to her cheek and if her heart beat a little faster, well...the only one who could tell would be Kal and he wasn’t around, so... “All she's ever wanted was a loving family. If Ella is hers I know she will fight for her and give her all the love she never got.”

“And she'll have all of us,” Alex added with a smile. “The cool aunts.”

“Right,” Kara smiled brightly, but it disappeared quickly. “Well, she'll have you guys. I don't know if she'll want me around-”

“We lied to her too, Kara. She may not want any of us around,” Alex scoffed. Lena had been hurt a lot and had walls sky high. There was a big chance she wouldn't want to see or hear from any one of them, especially with her tendency to shut down when overwhelmed. “Kara having a child you never planned for is a _huge_ thing. Lena doesn't have family. She'll need her best friend. She'll need _you._ Other things may have to wait until this is sorted-”

“That's just it though, it _can't_ wait. I can't let Lena shove it in one of her little boxes to be dealt with later. That's essentially what I did with Lena and Supergirl, and look how that turned out.”

Alex reached across the table and covered Kara's hand with her own, giving it a strong squeeze. “We're all here for you. And for Lena. And if Ella is Lena Junior we will be here for her too. No one is alone in this.”

“You wanted to see us, Director?”

Kara smiled up as her friends entered the room, getting up to give Nia a hug. Kara had been working from home laterly and increasing her Supergirl time (at least until her sister benched her), so it had been a good few days since they'd seen each other and she missed the youth-like wonder her friend had about her. It made things seem a little simpler, somehow.

Kara smiled. She knew exactly how. _El Mayara._

When she turned around Alex was gone once again and Director Danvers was ready for business. “Supergirl would you like to explain what's going on?”

Kara took a big breath and nodded. “Yeah” To save herself the trouble of having to repeat this all a third or fourth time, Kara asked Brainy to record her before she went over it all again. Verbatim.

“Oh my God,” Nia says when Kara finished. “That's...a lot.”

“Yeah,” Kara agreed. Above all else she hoped that wherever Lena was that she was dealing with the whole Supergirl reveal. That she was letting herself feel things and was processing because if she really was dealing with an L-Corp issue and had put Supergirl on a backburner then she was going to have two major things to deal with. Kara feared that, as someone who does everything she can not to have to deal with emotions, Lena would shut down if she hadn’t at least started to unpack all that the Supergirl reveal brought. Either way this was going to be a lot for Lena. It would be a lot for anyone, but Lena Luthor wasn’t known for her healthy dealings with emotions.

“What do you need us to do, Director?” Brainy asked.

“First of all this doesn't leave us, understood?” Alex asked.

“Yes, Director.” “Yeah, of course.” Brainy and Nia automatically replied. 

Kara allowed herself a small smile. This was her family. When she left Krypton she could have never imagined she would ever find herself a family she loved as much as her birth family, but she did and she does and she doesn't know how she would get through a single day without them. Lena was a big part of that family too and to say the past few weeks had been hell would be putting it mildly. Just because she was still working and Supergirl-ing and showering regularly didn't mean she was okay. She was so far from okay she wasn’t sure she'd come back from it if Lena doesn't forgive her. 

Eventually. She isn’t saying Lena should forgive her _now._ Hell she doesn’t deserve it anytime soon even, but eventually.

It felt like losing Krypton all over again. Her home, her light, her heart...all gone. With a subtle shake of her head Kara pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind. Not out of her mind as she knows that's impossible, but far enough back that she could focus on the current issue.

Alex wrote the names down on a piece of paper and handed it to Brainy. “Okay, first we are going to run their names and see what we find. I want literally _any_ and _everything_ that comes up - birth dates, social security numbers, drivers license, passports, credit cards, credit card purchases, any cars or properties, school records, anywhere this woman has ever worked, flights they've taken, hotels they've stayed in, doctors records, vaccinations, damn blood types...every mention there's ever been of either of them.

“Whether or not they appear to be who they say they are is irrelevant. One of you will investigate the names we have, the other will work with Kara to pull all images of them from the cameras in the park. I want those images run immediately to find out who they really are. If it turns out they're not who they say they are, find out who the hell they _are._ I want them tracked from when they enter the park and if there are any cameras that can track their route further, same for when they leave. I want facial rec tracking them all over the city. I want to know everywhere they go, everywhere they've been-”

“Uh, Alex,” Kara interrupted.

Alex stopped mid-thought and looked to see three very confused faces.

Nia looked up with regret on her face. “Alex, this...I'm decent with a computer, but this is a little outside my wheelhouse. Even with the technology here at the DEO.”

Beside Nia Brainy nodded his agreement. “I will be able to do as you ask, but by myself it will take more time than I think would be acceptable to you.”

Kara sighed, running a frustrated hand through her hair. It wasn't that she was frustrated with her friends. She didn't expect them to be great at everything or to be able to do this long list with a snap of their fingers. A long list of things they didn’t usually do, Nia especially. Everyone had their strengths and weaknesses and those are what make her friends the unique individuals that they were, that she loved. And while the DEO had many capable agents who could help, they needed people they could trust. 

“Yeah I’m sorry guys. I know this is a lot to ask.” Alex began, pulling up a chair at the table. “We only want people we trust on this. We don’t know what the hell is going on-”

“I wish Winn were here,” Kara sighed again. “He would already have these searches going on on, like, five computers.”

“I can get a message to him.” Brainy said.

“How soon?” Director Danvers asked. The _how_ s and _why_ s didn't matter at the moment. All that mattered was that there may be a way to reach Winn and, honestly, they all knew he was their best bet. Not that Alex would ever inflate his ego by saying so.

“It will only take a moment,” Brainy stated as he stood. As an AI, Brainy could interface with Winn's ship as easily as he could speak to him standing in the same room.

“How long will it take for him to respond?” Kara asked, hope swimming in her eyes. Winn's help would be invaluable. It would be faster, more accurate and he would think of ways to track and find them that none of them would. Maybe she also really missed her friend, but that could wait. 

“That depends entirely on him.”

Kara nodded. “He will know how important this is and come back as soon as he can. I know he will.”

Alex looked over at her sister with a deep breath, arms crossed over her chest. “Are you sure?”

“It's _Winn._ ” Kara smiled, but it fell from her face quickly. Seemed she couldn't keep a smile on her face for longer than a second. “Should we bring him back for this, though? I don't know what he's doing, but he went to the _future._ Whatever he's doing there is important.”

Alex looked at her sister with soft eyes and a smile. “It's _Lena.”_

“And possibly Little Lena,” Nia added with an excited smile. There was nothing quite like a good investigation for a journalist, but also if this was her friend's daughter she would be like a niece to all of them.

“Do it,” Alex nodded to Brainy, pulling her cell phone out. “I'm bringing Maggie in as well. Maybe the NCPD can help or some of her _no questions asked_ contacts. I'm pretty sure the entire city owes her favors.” Alex quickly turned to Kara before making the call. “As long as that's okay with you?”

Kara nodded. “Of course it is. I trust her.” Things between her and Maggie hadn't always been easy. In fact they were downright hard at first. She hated how Maggie pulled her sister away, how she broke her heart - she didn't trust her when she and Alex were first together because of said heartbreak - they never saw eye to eye on how to help the general public, and then with the whole kids issue...it took a lot for them to get close. A lot of fights, a lot of tears, a lot of really deep, sometimes painful conversations, but they got there. Kara realized she wasn't being fair to Maggie. It wasn't the detectives fault that she had some deep-seated abandonment issues. Alex had always been _just_ hers. Learning to share her and not feel abandoned or jealous had taken a lot, but she'd done it. Along with reaching a middle ground with the NCPD detective on using a _softer touch_. 

Sometimes.  
Well, she tried.   
Most of the time.  
She definitely thought about it.  
When the bad guy stopped long enough to give her the time to.  
Anyway, she and Maggie were good now.

The feisty detective and her sister were _happy_. If anyone deserved to be happy it was her big sister. Alex had sacrificed so much for her. Letting go and learning to trust Maggie had been good for all of them. Now rather than feeling like she'd lost her sister Kara felt that she gained one.

Alex stepped out to call her wife (with a _tell Maggie her favorite Danvers says hi_ from Kara that had her flipping the Kryptonian off behind her back), Nia pulled out her phone and sent an email mumbling something about _screw the deadline Andrea sucks anyway,_ Brainy stood stock still with his eyes closed doing his thing and Kara sat with her thoughts. This wasn't even happening to her and she felt the weight of it all bearing down on her shoulders like no being should. How was she supposed to tell Lena? _'Hey Lena, you done running away? No? You still mad at me? Still feel betrayed by my cowardice? Still think I’m a liar and nothing I say can be believed? Yeah? Awesome, so here's the thing...'_

The Kryptonian let her head fall down to the table with a _thud_ that she completely ignored. It wasn't hard enough to break anything. Maybe just a little dent. 

It was all such a mess. There was just _so much_ going on at once that it had her feeling that she was being pulled in fifty-seven different directions simultaneously. Usually she would be great at multitasking, but right now it just...it just left her feeling confused and worried and scared. Three things she did not do very well feeling.

But her friends were some of the smartest and most resourceful people on this planet. It wasn't that she didn't trust her friends to figure this out, she totally, completely, 100% did, but it's _Lena._ Lena didn't need it - Kara more than anyone else knew Lena was fully capable of protecting herself - but she would always feel personally responsible for protecting the youngest Luthor. One usually wants to keep their heart safe.

If Lena wanted nothing more to do with her after this Kara would respect that. This was a mess she created all on her own and would quietly pay the price for if that was what Lena wanted. It would undoubtedly be one of the most painful things she would ever do, and she would hurt each and every day, but if that was what Lena wanted she would slip into the shadows. Of course she would always watch over the Luthor whether the woman liked it or not, but she could stay away if that was what Lena truly wanted. 

But...if there was even a shred of hope...one tiny little sliver of a shred Kara would fight. For Lena, for her, for _them_ with everything she had in her _._ She would always, _always,_ fight for Lena. It was just a matter of what she was fighting for Lena for. Even in the shadows she would fight to keep Lena on the right path, to keep her true to her goals and values, for her soul, but if Lena gave her any indication that there was a way to salvage their friendship or if, by some miracle of Rao, Lena eluded to returning her affections then Kara would fly out of the shadows so fast and would fight for that too.

“Maggie is on her way,” Alex began as she re-entered the room. “And she's bringing food,” she added with a smile.

Kara looked away guiltily, thinking of the food Annie gave her for Alex that she left on the park bench. She only hoped someone who really needed it found and enjoyed it. 

“Winn is on his way as well,” Brainy added.

“Yes!” Kara's face lit up. “Winn for the...well...Winn for the win!”

Alex rolled her eyes, dragging an honest chuckle out of Supergirl. “I want you to eat something before you fly up to the Fortress. I know you just ate, but it's a long flight and you're probably going to have a bit if a fight with Lena when you get to her....it's-it's going to be a lot. You're going to need your strength.”

Kara didn't even think about protesting. Winn was coming back from the future! They would have a dream team working on this. With the knowledge that things were set in motion to get to the bottom of everything, Kara let herself relax until her sister-in-law arrived with bags of food. It wasn't a particularly long flight to the Fortress of Solitude. Not for her, anyway, but her sister was right. If for nothing else than Kara will need her strength for the emotional toll she was about to face. The nervous butterflies were already swarming low in her belly. 

“For my favorite Danvers,” Maggie said with a smile, handing one of the two bags to Kara. The fuller one, of course. During one of their heart-to-hearts, Kara had confided in Maggie that it was until very recently that she wasn’t constantly hungry. The Danvers never hurt for money, but if Kara had truly eaten her fill she would’ve completely emptied the kitchen every third day or so and they already spent a lot of money on food for her as it was. Then when she was in college she got the biggest meal plan available and still went through it less than half of the way through each semester and the little part-time jobs she took up didn’t pay enough to do much, really. Eliza sent her money for food and twenty pound care packages weekly, and she and Alex had sister nights at least weekly where Alex bought food, but she was a growing kryptonian with the appetite to match. 

Then when she started working for Cat Grant she had been making peanuts. Of course Cat quickly saw how good of an assistant Kara was, even if she never told her as much, and Kara got frequent raises. She suspected it was Cat’s way of thanking her without having to vocalize it. Or maybe bribes not to leave and go be someone else’s assistant for more money. She also insisted whenever Kara got food for her that she got something for herself as well on the company card. Eliza still sent care packages and she and Alex still had their sister nights, but it was never enough. She wasn’t _as_ hungry then, but she was still hungry.

Then she met Lena. And the woman liked to _eat_. She cited a fast metabolism, a personal trainer and this little _vitamin_ she had developed herself to how she was able to eat as much as she did and still stay fit. Of course there were always her kale salads and gross green smoothies too...She didn’t eat a lot all of the time and frequently skipped meals when she was working, but still. How much they could eat became something of a competition between them and despite Kara protesting, every time they went out to eat or got take out Lena paid. (Unless Kara was sneaky and brought her food when Lena wasn’t expecting it or caught the delivery person before they got to the door.) If Lena didn’t think Kara ordered enough to feel truly full she would order more herself and threaten to throw it away if Kara didn’t eat it or at least take the rest home with her.

Kara had called her bluff one day. She nearly cried when Lena did, in fact, throw it all into one of the incinerators L-Corp had in the basement. She never refused the extra food again.

(Honestly just with her eating habits alone she expected Lena to realize she was at least an alien, if not Supergirl, a long time ago.)

Now that she was doing well for herself she was finally able to afford to keep up with her Kryptoian appetite, but Maggie still made sure to give her as much as she could whenever she brought food. Maggie understood what it felt like to be hungry. It took a while of living with her aunt after her father kicked her out for her to feel comfortable enough to ask for the things she needed. Then when she left for the police academy and even in the first few years after she got her badge, it was all Maggie could do to keep a roof over her head. And with all of her _I’m a detective, I detect_ she quickly found out the way to a Kryptonian’s heart was through her stomach.

(And yes, Eliza still sent care packages.)

“Hey!” Alex protested, but Kara placed a kiss on Maggie's cheek and twirled away with her food and a teasing smile. “You're giving her a big head saying stuff like that,” Alex whispered against her wife's lips as she greeted her with a kiss.

“I can hear you,” Kara sing-songed from where she was already halfway through her first burrito. Even though they were vegan Supergirl devoured them. It had been quite some time since she pretended to hate them, but she still sent a playful glare and fake gag to her sister-in-law when she looked her way. Just, you know, for the effect.

Maggie just winked back and handed out the rest of the food

After the food was gone, in which Kara finished her half a dozen burritos at the same time everyone else finished their one, the group relocated to Alex's office with Alex leaving after she ushered them in to get a quick check-in with Vasquez. Due to numerous events and situations that had occured, Alex preferred to have eyes on the agents when doing a check-in. Anything could be said over the comms, so it was only when she saw what was going on that she believed it. Though sometimes even seeing wasn't helpful. Like in the instance of the white martians, but it was better than just audio contact. 

Luckily the Director's office was huge and more or less a mini-command center. They could do anything they could do downstairs in the middle of the DEO up here. Just up here had the bonus of being private. By the time Brainy had pulled up the right cameras Alex was back. 

“Ooh, that’s them!” Kara pointed out on one of the three screens they had up playing video from the park.

“Oh! She is cute!” Nia cooed. “What’s her name again?”

“Ella,” Kara smiled. “Supposedly.”

“So, kind of another L name,” Nia surmised. “Not the letter, but the same sound as the letter.”

Brainy looked from the girl to Kara to the girl back to Kara. “It is also like the House of E-”

“Are we all set here?” Alex interrupted. She knew what her gut was telling her. Kara didn't have any baby pictures, but Alex knew Kara at the youngest age she had been here on Earth. Knew what her immature features looked like. But until they had proof she wouldn’t let anyone go there. Not yet. 

“Yes, Director,” Brainy answered, reading the look on Alex’s face and dropping his previous line of thought. He was a twelfth level intellect, but it didn’t take a genius to catch on to Alex’s thoughts. “Supergirl has pointed them out. We can track them from there.”

“Good,” Alex nodded. “Then Supergirl I believe you have somewhere to be.”

"Shit." Kara heard Maggie say over her shoulder as she left the room. "She looks a lot like K-" However Maggie finished that thought was interrupted by Kara shooting off into the sky. Her hearing always took a second to adjust to the difference in air pressures and the sound of the air rushing by her ears whenever she launched herself into the air. If it was important Alex would text her.

Supergirl touched down at the Fortress a short while later. She wished she could have stayed at the DEO a little longer and waited for Winn. A good luck hug would really have helped, but Brainy wasn’t sure when he would arrive. If not for the Lillian threat she would've stayed and waited, but there was a Lillian threat so off she went. Immediately she got to work searching for Lena. It took a good ten minutes, in which she spent the entirety of pacing and ringing her hands out in front of the console as it searched the planet, to locate her. 

“She must have some kind of cloaking technology,” Kara theorized. “Hopefully because she understood some of what I said and not because she's hiding from me.” As she was unfamiliar with where Lena was she studied the map for a minute and memorized it quickly. Not like there was a gps for her to use from up in the air. There may be a way to get the kind of global positioning programming they use on aircraft, but it wouldn’t be handy for the way she flew. Maybe the DEO could make one. Though the DEO probably wouldn't bother when she could just memorize a map in a second. Not a great use of their time and resources. Or maybe there’s some sort of alien technology she could use. Thoughts for later. With one last look at Lena's location and the map Kara set off.

It wasn’t a bad flight, just a boring one that took her high up above the clouds so as not to disturb anyone or anything. There were actually quite a few places out there that didn’t know about Supergirl and she didn’t want to scare some unsuspecting farmer tending to their fields or some school kids on their way home. 

A good part of the flight was over the ocean though and when she didn’t notice any ships around she dipped down and watched a pod of dolphins jumping in and out of the water, big schools of fish deep below the waves and the occasional whale breaching the surface. X-ray vision came in handy sometimes. It helped the flight go by faster. Kara had always been enchanted by sea life. There were so many different creatures from mammoth blue whales to tiny crustaceans and every color, shape and size imaginable. Some creatures without bones, some without eyes, some with many eyes. It was all fascinating and breathtaking. 

Maybe it was growing up in Midvale - spending those first few scary, chaotic, loud, fascinating years after landing on Earth there - that gave her a love of the ocean. Living right there on the beach and going to sit in the sand whenever she felt overwhelmed and just looking out into the sea. Anyone passing by probably thought she was just calming herself by watching the waves or the seagulls (she'd always been fascinated with birds too), but she was using her x-ray vision to see what secrets the ocean was hiding. The sound of the waves was so overpowering to her sensitive hearing that it drowned out everything else and she was able to breathe when things got to be too much.

Once she got to the island that was Ireland she stayed below the clouds. Ireland was one continent she hadn’t spent any amount of time on. Not for any particular reason just because she never had reason to. It was gorgeous, though. She could see why Lena liked it. That and she had been born there. She probably felt some connection to it. Maybe she was in the same town (village?) she’d lived before her birth mother died. 

Not wanting to arrive empty handed, Kara made a quick stop in Dublin for the scones Lena always raved about before jumping back into the sky. She knew full well that she needed every last brownie point she could get for Lena to speak to her, nevermind go back to National City with her. The thought occurred to her that if Lena was in Ireland she probably already stopped for her favorite scones, especially since the little cafe was only an hour away from where the brunette was, but Lena had said on multiple occasions that she could eat them _for every meal everyday and never get tired of them._ At any rate Kara figured they wouldn’t hurt anything. Worst case scenario Lena threw them in her face and she ate them all herself before throwing Lena over her shoulder and flying home.

According to the map at the Fortress, Lena’s location was...right in the middle of an empty field by the ocean? That couldn’t be right. Kara touched down and felt a hum just beneath her skin and she remembered how the Fortress had trouble tracking Lena. Kara listened and after a moment before she heard it. Slightly elevated, but Lena’s heartbeat was steady and strong, just muffled. There was some impressive technology at work here, but her super hearing was sort of impressive too. Despite the apparent barrenness before her, Lena was here. “Uh...Lena?” Kara called into the void. Knowing Lena she would want views of both the grassy landscape and the ocean so if there was some kind of house here she would probably have it situated toward the right. It would probably be facing out so the ocean would be to one side and the fields to the other so Kara just started walking slowly in that direction. Her eyes hurt, like something was actively preventing her x-ray vision from working.

“Lena? . . Please Lena I just want to be sure you’re okay. I know you’re here. I can hear your heartbeat. We lost track of Lillian and I think she may be looking for you. . . There’s also . . . There’s a situation . . . well, a _thing_ -” She took a deep breath and let it out fast trying to figure out how to say enough that made Lena acknowledge her, but not enough that gave Lena enough to go off on her own without revealing herself.

“Look Lena I know you’re mad at me. You don’t have to say it for me to know. And you’re sad and heartbroken, but there’s something I found…Some _one_ I found...” In her boot her cell phone vibrated and, juggling the large box of scones in one hand, Kara pulled it out to see her sister had sent her a picture of Ella they pulled off the cameras. She smiled, gripped the phone tighter and threw caution to the wind. “Lena do you have a daughter?”

Less than a second later a picturesque cottage came into view and Kara’s smile grew wider. It was positioned exactly like she thought it would be so either Lena built it that way or it had been one of the factors in her buying this particular property. No doubt all the surrounding space to herself was a big selling point as well. She stopped walking up the stone path about five steps from the front door.

Two seconds later the door opened and she was pulled inside the cottage. Lena was a blur of long dark tresses and something that looked suspiciously like an old Midvale High hoodie she lost long ago as she typed a command into a panel by the door that Kara had no doubt cloaked them again before she did something that nearly knocked Kara off her feet. Metaphorically, of course. She pulled Kara into a hug so tight, for a human, that Kara could tell that Lena was mad, but that she’d missed her. When Lena hugged like that it was because she acted before her brain could catch up. It was what she wanted to do before she remembered she was a CEO or a Luthor or that her best friend lied to her for years.

Knowing how Lena would feel about it, Kara ignored the quiet sob that escaped Lena’s control, dropped the scones on the small table to her left and returned the hug as best she could without crushing the fragile human. It wouldn’t last for long so she would take what she could get. Who knew when Lena would next let her this close, if she ever did, so Kara let her mind be consumed by _Lena._ How Lena felt in her arms, her warmth, the smell of her shampoo and of scotch and her favorite tea, the feeling of Lena clinging to her like her life depended on it, the beat of her heart. Using a little superspeed, Kara wiped her eyes before Lena could feel her arms move. 

But like all good things, the hug came to an end. It went on for longer than Kara thought it would, but shorter than she would have liked. They both stepped back and simply took the other in for a minute and with one look in Lena’s eyes Kara knew.

They had always been a little more than friends. More than even best friends. Just because they never verbally acknowledged it to one another or acted on it didn’t make it any less true. It was shining brighter than Rao in Lena’s eyes and Kara couldn’t look away. Not that she wanted to because it’s Lena and she’d _missed_ her, but she does because it _hurt_. Because she messed up and Lena was looking at her like she hadn’t felt whole since the last time they saw each other, like her soul was crying out to her, like she felt so much love it was threatening to drown her, but also like she didn’t know Kara at all. Kara looked away when Lena’s eyes darted down to her lips because she knew that once Lena got over the shock of seeing her the very last thing she would want would be to kiss the woman who betrayed her.

With a watery breath, Kara took a painful step back and cleared her throat.

Lena followed suit, putting more distance between them. “Did you really ask me if I have a daughter?” She asked to clarify.

“Yeah,” Kara began slowly, pretending to look around the space they were in while Lena turned to wipe her eyes under the guise of checking out the window beside the door to make sure no one else was around. 

“Pretty sure that’s something I would have told my best friend, Kara. I’m not the one who keeps big secrets here.”

Kara had to tell herself to breathe through the pain in those words. “That’s fair.”

“Why would you even ask me that?”

Kara took her cell phone back out and pulled up Ella’s picture. “There’s something you have to see.”

With her signature quirked brow Lena slowly, carefully, took Kara’s phone. And that hurt because Lena was acting as if the phone would hurt her and yes, Kara may have hurt her, but she would _never_ hurt her physically or on purpose. When she looked at the image her lips parted and she let out a barely audible gasp. “Who-” She cleared her throat. “Who is this?”

“Her name is Ella.” Kara explained, relaxing the tiniest bit. Lena wasn’t throwing her out. Lena had let her in, had _hugged_ her, was _listening_ to her. This was already going so much better than she had anticipated. “I ran into her and her _mother_ the night you….ah...a few weeks ago.” Her hand automatically went to fiddle with her glasses in that nervous habit she had when she realized she was still dressed as Supergirl. This was really a conversation she wanted to have with Lena as Kara, not Supergirl, so she pulled her glasses out and her new supersuit dematerialized and she was once again Kara Danvers. 

Her brow furrowed when Lena’s heart rate seemed to pick up, but the other woman kept her eyes on the phone in her hands, so Kara continued. “When I first met them Ella was at _least_ a year younger. She was a good few inches shorter, her hair was only at her shoulders, she looked much more like a toddler, chubby cheeks and all. But I just saw them again today and she’s changed so much. She even sounds older. Oh! I don’t think you can tell in that picture, but she has two different colored eyes, Lena.”

Lena looked up and Kara looked deeply into Lena’s own differently colored eyes. It was very subtle. Most people never noticed, but Kara had spent so many hours looking into Lena’s eyes. Enough time to know each exact fleck of color, but she couldn’t focus on that. This wasn’t a social call. “Her _mother_ ’s name is Lauren Thorul. Or so she said, Alex has a team tracking her and seeing if that’s her real name.” The way Lena bit her bottom lip told Kara she made the Thorul/Luthor connection and of course she had. Lena was a genius. “We lost track of your mother, and then I saw them and Ella said she was meeting her grandmother for the first time today. It’s not a coincidence.”

“No, likely not.” Lena said with a long exhale, tilting her head toward another room and leading Kara through a set of double doors into a darkened room. Kara felt bad. She had no idea what time it was here, but it was late. With the push of a button from a remote Lena grabbed off the fireplace mantle, the room was filled with light. This place may look like a normal cottage, but it was seriously high tech. Not that anything less would be expected of Lena Luthor.

Lena sat on a comfortable looking deep green couch and motioned for Kara to sit as well. Which she did, as far away as the couch would allow. Not for her sake, but for Lena. Despite the hug, Kara had no idea where the other woman’s head was at, so distance was the safest bet. If Lena wanted her closer she’d say as much.

With a deep breath Lena looked back up at Kara, but predictably said nothing about the distance. Her eyes focused in on Kara so intently, so deeply, it was as if she was looking for something. An apology maybe? Maybe Kara should apologize. As soon as she went to open her mouth, Lena spoke. “My mother has your DNA, doesn’t she? I remember she kidnapped Supergirl and made her- _you_ \- solar flare to take your blood?”

“Ah…” Kara fumbled, wondering what _she_ had to do with any of this. “Yeah. Why?”

Lena looked back at the picture for a few breaths before looking back up with what looked like sympathy in her eyes. The hurt, the pain, the anger, the confusion was completely gone. “And you think this little girl is _my_ daughter?”

“Well, yeah,” Kara said, thoroughly confused. “She looks just like you Lena. And her _mother_ ’s name, and your mother-”

“ _Me_? You think she looks like _me_?”

“She does,” Kara insisted, looking over to make sure that Lena was looking at the right picture. 

“Kara…” Lena began slowly, pushing past the hurt and confusing thoughts swirling in her mind. If there was one thing Lena was good at it was pushing personal issues to the side to focus on the task at hand. “She...she looks like you.”

Kara’s heart stopped. 


End file.
